Alternative Trust Issues
by VannHazel
Summary: This is the same general story as My Trust Issues, but it is JDOX friendship instead of slash. FINISHED!
1. Maybe

Hey, to those of you who've been reading this story from the get-go, I combined chapters. For instance, what used to be chapters 1 and 2, are now just Ch 1. Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 are now Ch 2. Chapters 8, 9, and 10 are in chapter 3. Sorry for the change, but it needed to be done. I apoligize for the inconvience. Leave angry comments if need be.

I didn't want to get up this morning. Didn't want to drag my sorry ass outta bed, didn't want to deal with the whiny ingrates and peons at the hospital, and I sure as hell didn't want to deal with Patricia and her needyness. One would think that after 6 years of working together, Newbie's attempts to form a relationship would have cooled a little bit. But no, he never stops. Always asking me if I wanted to go have a beer, or grab a bite to eat. Honest to God, I thought if I told Meagan to leave me alone enough he'd take the advice and find somebody else to bother. But i'm not that lucky.

All I could think about this morning as I was getting ready was how much I didn't want to leave the house today. I was being completely selfish, I know that now, standing here over him. But this was before I knew what had happened.

I ended up going anyway.

Traffic on the way to the hospital was hellish. Absolutly hellish. By the time I actually made it to work, my attitude was complete shit. So of course, me being the complete and utter jack ass that I am, took out my every frusteration on Delilah. Didn't even look at him before I started into my rant. If I had I would have seen the covered bruising on his face and arms, the pained expression in his eyes, the way he walked with a limp or how he gasped with every painful breath.

But I didn't look at him at all. I really wish I had.

I told him what a God-awful doctor he was. That when one of his patients kicked the bucket because of his carelessness, or his stupid daydreams, I was sure as hell going to be there to kick his ass.

I didn't know why, but he took my words more harshly than usual. Normally he would stand there, most certainly off in his own little world, and ignore me until I shut up and stormed off. But today, I swear I saw tears in his eyes, the one time I actually looked at him. I also caught a glimpse at the bruises, the swelling on his face. A person on the street may have not been able to see it, but I am a doctor, for God's sake. A damn good one, at that. So I saw. But I tried to ignore it because there was a strange feeling forming in me as I watched Newbie on the edge of tears. Guilt? Did I feel guilty? No, I didn't. _I_ don't feel guilty. Not then, anyway...

" Man up, Newbie, and get to work!! " I was screaming at him at this point, " Your patients aren't going to postpone their deaths because you are off in lala land, dreaming about your latest boyfriend!! Seriously, Angelina, get your mind out of the fucking clouds and do your job, you incompetent moron! " I felt my uncontrollable rage pour out at him. He raised his head and stared at me. It wasn't an angry stare, he obviously wasn't mad that I was yelling at him. The stare was fear. Fear and sadness and...emptiness. Instead of realizing this and leaving him alone, my anger thrived on his feelings. I kept saying in my head _Stop it, just stop it you jackass. _I didn't stop, because I just couldn't. When I'd finally calmed, when the red hot fury had ceased, I looked up at him and noticed the injuries were worse than I thought. He was staring at the ground, shamefully.

It was then and only then that I realized something was horribly wrong. So I did what I usually do when something is wrong with someone I am, dare I say it, close to. I walked away and left him standing there, those big fawn eyes filled to the brim with empty tears.

I didn't see the kid at all after that. I have to admit, it started to piss me off when i'd page him and he wouldn't come running up behind me and asking obediently, " Yes, Dr. Cox? " I was so used to him always bounding over to me as soon as I whistled and called out one of the many, various girls names I resevered for him.

But he didn't today. Today there were no responses to my pages, my whistles, my demands.

I did what I had to do. Not because I actually cared about the kid, but because I don't like change. And not having his annoying self trailing behind me all day was definitely a change. So I dumped all of mine and Newbie's patients off on a particularly panicky Barbie and ventured off to find Clorissa, mainly so that I could chew her out and watch those tears actually fall this time.

And maybe, just maybe I was a little bit worried.

Maybe.


	2. I Know

Chapter 2 My Trust Issues

I snuck into the room where I had spotted him lying down. His glazed over eyes were open, staring blankly at the ground. And I have to admit, that scared me. Newbie's body was slumped over one arm of the couch, his head hanging and mouth opened slightly. I tiptoed over to him and shook him a little bit. " Newbie, what is it? "

I'll never forget the way he looked up at me, with eyes so miserable that just looking at him made me want to cry. And let me tell you, there isn't much in this world that can make me do that.

Newbie struggled to sit up, and with every movement I saw pain flash in his eyes. The room was dark, but not so much so that I couldn't clearly see. Bruises littered all of his exposed skin and from the way he was walking, his unexposed skin too, maybe more.

" Newbie, did you pick a fight with Muhammed Ali or something? You're really bruised up, kid. " I have to admit, I was getting pretty worried. Although he was a general annoyance to me, I was still a doctor and it was my job to care.

" I don't wanna talk about it..." he could barely speak.

He didn't want to talk? He always talked!

" Don't give me that... what's wrong? " he was really out of it, his pupils were dilated and his mouth hung down.

" Newbie... Newbie?! J.D! "

He was unresponsive. The empty bottle of pills fell out of his hand.

" Oh no..."

J.D's Flashback

He was walking to the bus stop from the bar after Turk and Carla had left. It was dark. The buildings were trashy, paint peeled off and graffiti littering every surface. Panic was rising in the young doctor. " Where am I?" his pace quickened as he tried desperatly to regain some sense of direction. The dull light coming from the lampposts was no assistance, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out where he was. Fear was taking over his mind. He walked faster yet again, when he saw them. The figures in the shadow of a nearby alleyway. He turned the second he'd realized what was happening, but it was much too late. 5 people pulled him into the dark alley. No, maybe it was 6... It was dark and he couldn't see much of anything. The tallest man in the group grabbed J.D by the collar and smashed him against the wall, holding him up as each man punched him in the stomach. He tried to escape, but his efforts were quickly stopped by a swift punch in the groin. J.D panicked, unable to catch his breath. The tall man threw J.D across the alley and his body crunched at the fall. He clenched his eyes shut and waited for it to all be over. There were feet everywhere, kicking, stepping. They spat all over his broken body. J.D could feel a warm substance all around him. Blood. He was lying in a puddle of his own blood. He knew that at least one of his ribs were broken. He could barely move a muscle and was more than relieved when the beating stopped. Then, an odd coolness was on his legs. He shivered and opened one eye. One of the men had pulled J.D's and his own pants down. With one hand, he effortlessly threw J.D on his stomach and pulled down his boxers. Sharp pain shot through his back side.

He finally let his tears fall. The pain was so intense that he wanted nothing more than to die. Death would be better, anything would be better. His broken rib(s) were being pushed hard against the dirty cement with his rapist's movement. After a long time, he got off. Each man took his turn at J.D, kicking, punching, spitting...raping, until finally, hours later, they got bored. The sun was coming out and he could clearly see his attackers. After one last swift kick, they swiped the cash out of his wallet and left. J.D lay on the cement for awhile after that, having completely lost the will to live. Finally, he struggled up. WIth every single movement, pain surged up and down his battered body. Black dots invaded his vision as he fought for conciousness. He barely managed to pull his clothes on without passing out. The entire area was deserted and from where he stood, he could barely make out a sign about a mile away. " Sacred Heart Hospital "

Then, something within him came back to life and he miraculously had strength. Through the pain he thought about his friends, he couldn't die, they would be sad. J.D always wanted to please everyone. So he stood up and walked. The man with the broken ribs, the internal bleeding, and all the pain, stood up and walked. It was pure willpower that he'd been able to walk the mile and a half down the road to the hospital in his condition. He was sneaky, not wanting anyone to see, to know what happened.

He took a backway into the hospital, avoided all people and snuck into a staff bathroom. He took off his bloody clothes and turned on the shower. Instead of standing, he collapsed on the floor and let the water wash the evidence of the attack from his body. Every single water drop stung as it smacked into his bruised, bloody skin. He was terrified that he may be bleeding internally, but he mainly just felt stupid. The hospital had been mearly a mile from the place of the attack. 1 damn mile. He thought that maybe if he had wondered off in a different direction, had he fought a little harder, had he been a little stronger, none of that would have ever happened to him. THe thoughts made him cringed. And he wanted nothing more than to sleep. To sleep forever and never feel the pain again, never remember what happened, never have to face his friends, never have to keep such a dark secret from the world.

He rose from the shower and put on the scrubs he'd managed to sweep off of a cart as he snuck in. Any doctor would know why J.D was able to complete these tasks. His body was in shock. But being the one in shock, J.D did not realize what was happening. He didn't realize the danger. Instead walked out, past the nurses station and past Dr. Cox. He was ranting but J.D had no clue what about.

The pain was coming. He'd washed off all of the blood, so that damage wasn't yet completely noticeable. It was too soon after the attack for bruises to yet be formed. But J.D definitley felt the effects of the incident. He couldn't force himself to look up at his mentor, the shame and indignity was too intense to bare, so he walked away. Walked into the quiet empty on call room. Left and walked to a sleeping accident patients room. Grabbed a bottle of pills off of the side table and back to the on call room he went.  
The back of the bottle said 1 pill every 12 hours. He took two. The another one.

And another.

Another until the entire bottle was gone.

End of Flashback

--

" Newbie, just wake up... "

He won't answer. I don't know why I waste my breath. The kid is unconcious.

I knew he'd been pretty badly beaten, but I thought that was it...

Until I discovered the evidence of...rape...

Yeah, I almost don't believe it. I don't WANT to believe it. Newbie was raped? And he was so upset, so depressed the he tried to kill himself? It seems like a nightmare...

I should have seen the signs, dammit. I should have paid more attention to the bruising and the way he was acting. I should have cared more that he wasn't himself. I guess I hated seeing him that way so much that I just pushed it out of my head. I guess i'm just used to the optimistic, smiling, nerdy Newbie. Not the Newbie who might actually need my help. And i'm not talking about my mentoring, i'm talking about needing somebody to talk to.

But suicide? I mean, come on. We can't lose Newbie.

" J.D, you need to wake up... "

" Seriously, open your eyes, please Newbie... "

" Open you fucking eyes, dammit!! "

Why am I screaming? It's not going to make it better, and i'm sure that me throwing his chart across the room wasn't that great either, but what am I supposed to do? I need him around. I need someone to rant at, to annoy me, to correct me when i'm an ass. The kid is my lifeline in this hellhole, though i'll never admit it to him. If he goes comatose..

" What can I say that'll make you snap out of this? That i'm your mentor? Okay then, i'm your mentor. Are you happy? "

He's not responding. I can't do this...

This is just stupid.

" Alright Newbie, i'm leaving, ya big baby. "

I don't know why I even bother. Talking to someone who is unconcious doesn't-

Wait a second, he's stirring. Now he's coughing. Okay, good. This is good.

" Newbie? You awake? "

Now he's crying. What the hell is he crying for? It's his friends who should be crying, me who should be crying! I had to pump his stupid stomach, for Christ sakes!! I had to revive him when he crashed, twice!! I've had to stand by this damned bed for the past three FUCKING hours!! And he is crying?!

Wait a minute...

The rape.

Oh...

I have to help him, I guess. It's my job, right? I'll tell him that I know, and i'll help him.

Yeah...

Just one second...

Ok, here I go.

Never mind.

I really can't do this...

Carla is standing outside now. She doesn't know about the rape. Neither do Ghandi or Barbie. Just me and Newbie...

If I don't speak up, he's alone in this...

Alright, i'll talk to him.

He's still crying and he hasn't even looked up at me, not once.

Poor kid...

I can't believe I actually care...

" You okay? " I finally squeaked out. And I call HIM a girl?

What kind of question is that anyway? Of course he isn't okay! God, I really am an idiot...

Great, he's not looking at me. He's just crying... And shaking. He's such a mess.

" Newbie...J.D...you need to look at me. Please, just look at me. "

Why do I sound so urgent? Seriously, I sound like i'm his father. He's always wanted me to be like a father. He always treats me like i'm his hero. I used to act like it annoyed me, but I actually enjoy it. Of course I do, naturally, I mean i'm so egotistical, his hero worship kinda fuels my fire.

Anyway, he's past the point of just crying now. He's into full fledged sobbing. Normally, i'd jump at the opprotunity to call him a girls name. Not today...

What can I do?

Wait a minute...the hug! The hug that he has always wanted!! I'll give him the hug and he'll talk. God, I am so brilliant.

" It's okay, J.D. It's gonna be just fine. " I put my arms around him, careful not to hurt his bruised skin.

" No, don't touch me!! Get OFF!! " he's screaming. Why is he screaming?

" It's me, J.D, it's Dr. Cox. You're fine, kid, you're fine. "

" Yeah, of course... just takin a little nap..." His voice is shaking and he's got a fake smile on his face. Crap, he's really going to do this. He's going to pretend that nothing happened.

" J.D, you don't need to pretend that you were asleep. We pumped your stomach. We saw all of the pills. There is no hiding. You crashed twice, but we managed to get you back, so just thank your lucky stars that you didn't succeed in doing what you set out to do. I'm mean, gosh, Newbie, this hospital cannot afford to lose you. Thank God I found you when I did... " i'm listening to myself, but it doesn't feel like I am saying these things. I don't normally show sympathy, i'm just not that guy.

He's tearing up again. " Why did you do that? Why the couldn't you just let me die? "

" J.D, you- "

" Don't call me that! You never call me that! "

He's an emotional wreck. I expected as much.

" Okay, then, Newbie. I know that you are going through a lot, but- "

" You don't know the half of it. " he muttered under his breath.

" Yes I do. " he's staring at me. Great... Those huge, hurt eyes make this conversation even worse.

" How would you..."

" I'm your primary physician. I had to give you an examination. You've got three broken ribs, both of your thumbs are broken, your nose is broken, you've got two black eyes, a ton of bruising and...

Oh, God, I wish there was some way that I could avoid saying this.

" I know you were raped, Newbie. "

--

3rd person POV

J.D felt an urgency in him the second he heard the words come out of Dr.Cox's mouth.

" I know you were raped Newbie. "

With all of the strength that he still possessed, J.D mustered up the most convincing smile that he could and laughed, " What are you talking about, Dr. Cox? I wasn't raped! " the last word came out squeaky and strained, as if it hurt him to say.

" Newbie..." he stared at J.D with that 'don't you dare lie to me' look in his eyes.

" Dr. Cox, don't look at me like that. " he voice was breaking up and he felt another sob escaping in his throat.

" You need to talk about this. "

" I don't need to do SHIT! " he stormed up out of his bed and tried to stand. An extreme pain shot up to every inch of his body and he fell to the ground with a crash. Perry ran to his side to help him up. When he made it to the other side of the bed, he saw J.D, sitting against the cool metal of the bed frame, rocking back and forth and crying his eyes out. Perry knelt down next to the boy and put an arm around his shaking shoulders. J.D resisted for a moment, then fell into his mentor's embrace.

--

J.D POV

I've gotta say, it's kind of ironic. For years, i've begged Dr.Cox for that hug. Just one hug that would let me know that he cares. Now, I don't want him to touch me. I don't want ANYONE to touch me...

I'll just take the hug and remember that this is Dr.Cox. He won't hurt me...

He's not going to hurt me, right?!

Oh God...

" Get off..."

Oops, maybe that was a little bit to hard of a push...

Oh well.

Okay, so i've pushed my sympathetic mentor off of me. The man who has spent the past six years tormenting me, belittling me and making me feel like dirt is finally showing compassion and I just pushed him away... I really am a screw up.

" No, Newbie, you aren't a screw up. "

Oh crap, did I just said that out loud?

" Listen, kid, you tried to _kill_ yourself. I don't think you are seeing the severity of the situation. " I can tell he's really losing his patience with me, but I honestly couldn't care less at this point.

" I told you, I wasn't raped, Dr. Cox...I just... " Another blatently lie on my part.

" I told YOU to stop lying, so why do you keep doing it, Lucinda!! Seriously! "

Why is he yelling? God, make it stop. Please make the yelling stop...

Dr. Cox POV

" Where the hell are you going? Get back here, Newbie!! "

He's actually walking out the door. Okay, so it's more like a slow limp, but he's leaving nonetheless. What's he saying?

" Just stop... you gotta stop... stop yelling, I can't take it... the pain and the yelling...stop it... stop it... stop it..." He's having a hard time breathing. Shit.

" J.D, get your ass back in this bed RIGHT NOW!? "

He's looking over at me now. Well, it's more like glaring, but at least i've got his attention. I'd better grab him while I have the chance. There is no way in HELL I am letting him out of my sight after this. And anyway, he's way too damn weak to walk and his ribs have got to be killing him. I can see the pain clearly on his face, not well hidden behind his anger toward me. It's got to be almost unbearable. The pain, that is. And possibly the anger too. But I don't really care at this point.

" So, now you wanna be fatherly? Now you want to be my mentor? TO HELL with you, Perry! " he spat my name, like it tasted badly or something. I guess he has picked up on a few of my mannerisms in the past 6 years.

He's still leaving, so guess it's time to make my move. The only thing I can do in a situation like this is remain calm and collected, so that I don't drive him further away.

" To hell with ME!? To hell with you, Newbie!! I have spent the past 5 hours taking care of you, ya selfish JACKASS! Didn't you ever think ONCE what was going to happen to everyone else when you decided to off yourself? Everyone would be screwed over because Wittle Baby Newbie couldn't handle a little bit of pain!! Get over it, Pricilla!! The world isn't going to stop turning for you, so stop trying to make it!! I mean, have you seen your friends since I found your sorry ass?! Carla and Barbie haven't stopped crying and your girlfriend has locked himself in a men's room stall and refuses to come out until he is sure that you are okay!! Why can't you think about them and not just yourself!! "

Shit. SHIT,SHIT,SHIT,SHIT!! Huge mistake. What the hell did I just do?

" Yeah, I know..."

" Newbie, I- "

" Just save it. I'm going home. "

" You can't, your- "

" You can't stop me. "

" Your injuries are too severe for you to leave, J.D. You are a doctor, you know it as well as I do."

I can't let him leave in this condition. He's gonna hate me for this, but...

" Grab him!! 20 bucks for anyone who brings him here!! "


	3. Finally Ready

3rd Person POV

" Vanilla Bear, it's me. "

Turk was standing over him, concern and fear plastered on his normally calm facade. They were back in J.D's hospital room, this time with the curtains pulled down tightly and the door shut. It was dark.

" How'd I get back here? " J.D managed to ask through the intense pain pulsing throughout his entire body.

" Todd grabbed you and carried you back, bridal style. They injected you with a sedative. " he half-heartedly laughed and then wiped a silent tear from his eye. " Why'd you do it, J.D? "

The question brought a whole new surge of panic through J.D.

" I don't want to talk about it, C-bear. When do I get to go home? "

" Cox won't let you out, man. He's got you on suicide watch and he's been threatening anyone who lets you leave. "

" He can't do that?! Why is he always trying to make me miserable? "

Out of the shadows of the room walked Perry Cox. The man looked like he'd aged 10 years in the past few hours since J.D's attempted escape . Dark bags hung underneath his blue eyes and he appeared haggared and more than just a little bit irritated.

" Why am I trying to make you miserable, Susanna? The answer is simple. It's fun. " he grinned in his usual Coxish way, but there was something missing in the normally wicked smile. He was worried and he was angry. Not just at J.D, but also at himself for not being able to stop with the teasing and degrading for 5 seconds. Truthfully, Dr. Cox wanted nothing more than to grab J.D and hold him, to do whatever it took to get him back from the brink.

" Hey, Turtlehead, you think you could give me and Johanna here a second to talk? " the question sounded sincere enough, but J.D didn't exactly want to deal with Cox. Just the fact that Perry knew what happened to him made him more than just a little bit uneasy.

" You don't have to leave, Turk..." J.D grabbed his friend's arm and stared up at him frantically. Turk quickly caught on.

" Listen, Dr. Cox, I think that YOU should leave and I'll stay here with my friend. " Turk challenged Dr. Cox. The older man took the challenge and crossed his arms at the surgeon.

" You really want to do this, Ghandi? Because I am not leaving my patient. If you don't step off in about three seconds, I will bribe another 5 doctors to come in here and drag your sorry ass out. What's it gonna be? "

Turk stared at J.D and silently begged. The injured doctor sighed and motioned toward the door.

" Go ahead, buddy, you gave it your best shot. " With that, Turk slid across the room, past Perry and out the door.

" That was easy enough. Okay, Newbie, you've cried, you've yelled at me, you've tried to escape the hospital, you've- "

" Okay, I get it, Perry. Get to the point. "

" Whoa, I see you've grown a pair. Congratulations. " he did his cheesy slow clap and whistled. Then, the seriousness came back to his voice. " Are you finally ready to talk about what happened? Because, quite frankly, I can't keep this whole charade going for much longer. " Perry's eyes fell and he blinked away the tears that had suddenly clouded up his vision. J.D saw this and all of his hatred toward the older doctor faded away for the moment.

" Yes, Dr. Cox, " he managed to whisper out. " I'm ready. "

--

Cox sat in silence next to J.D's hospital bed after listening to the story. For one of the first times in his life, he was speechless. The doctor in the bed next to him was weeping softly.

" J.D? "

There was no response from J.D, just a louder sob. Cox stood up from the chair and grabbed onto the arm, to regain the balance that he'd lost during the hours he'd been sitting. Slowly, he made his way over to the edge of the bed, and gently he grabbed J.D's shoulders and pulled him close. Surprisingly, there was no awkwardness, no discomfort in the embrace. J.D fell into his mentor and they sat together on the bed, J.D as fragile as he'd ever been, and Cox more sympathetic than he'd care to admit.

" You're gonna be okay, kid. I'm gonna find those guys and they're gonna get what's coming to them. " Angry tears welled in the older doctors blood-shot eyes.

J.D pulled away from the hug and stared fearfully into his mentor's gaze. " Don't. "

" Don't what? "

" Don't be an idiot! Are you honestly going to through yourself into the fire like that? You have a son to take care of! I won't let you do something stupid. "

J.D didn't say much for a minute, just stared at the ground, in deep contemplation. Cox stood up and started pacing worriedly as he often did.

" I need you to let it go. For me, Dr. Cox. " He sounded calmer this time.

Cox glanced at his protégé. He noted the tear-stained cheeks, the hollowness in his once happy eyes and the desperation he saw in the young doctor's expression.

" No, I won't. " Perry could hear the stubbornness in his voice.

" Dr. Cox..."

" Alright, Newbie, i'll let it go! Gosh, Julianne, don't get your panties all up in a bunch! " The older doctor put his hands behind his head and leaned back against the hospital wall. The coolness of it calmed him and he sighed, more than loud enough for J.D to hear.

" I take it you haven't told anybody else? "

" No, I haven't. " It sounded like he was close to tears again. Cox walked quickly to the opposite side of the room.

" Are you going to? " His normal impatience and frusteration with J.D was once again beginning to show through in his tone. The younger doctor shook his head and locked his eyes down at his trembling hands.

" You know, this isn't anything that you need to feel ashamed about. You are a victim, this is in no way YOUR fault. "

" Yes it is. If I was stronger, I could have fought them off. "

" 5 people Newbie? Nobody is that strong. "

" You are. "

" No i'm not! Don't get me wrong, i've got some pretty impressive muscles, " he flexed his muscles at J.D and smiled brightly. This brought the boy a bit of comfort. " But come on, Newbie. 5 guys are a lot. This wasn't your fault. "

" Whatever. " He remained unconvinced. " Please, just don't tell my friends. "

" Doctor/Patient confidentiality. I can't even if I want to. "

" Good. " J.D forcibly yawned and wiped his still blackened eyes. " Um, my pain killers are wearing off. Can we up them so I can sleep? "

" Yeah, whatever Priscilla. " Dr. Cox rolled his eyes and turned up the medication. He could tell that J.D was still upset and he probably wanted to sleep so he wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

_He'll open up to his friends when he feels like it. Until then..._

At that thought, Perry left J.D to his dreams and headed out to meet the crowd outside the window.

--

" So, what happened? " Tears poured from Elliot's eyes as she asked the question on all of their minds. Turk, Carla, Dr.Cox and Elliot sat in the hospital's cafeteria, all eyes on Dr.Cox.

" He was beaten. " the haggared looking doctor replied, without emotion. The other three stared at him, waiting for the rest. " What do you want me to say? The kid got beaten up, end of story. "

Dr. Cox lifted his head up from his slouched position over a hot cup of coffee and peered at each of his table mates. Carla was glaring at him incredulously, her years as a nurse told her that there were pieces of his story missing. Turk, on ther other hand, was cradling his coffee cup and nodding, just glad that his friend was still alive. Elliot looked like she was about to crack. Her face was tear-stained and she was struggling for air. The four of them sat, in silence, for at least 10 minutes. Suddenly, Perry and Elliot's pagers went off. Elliot reached her's first.

" J.D's crashing! " she jumped up and darted down the hallway. Perry followed her quickly thereafter. They made it to the room, but were stopped by the man standing in front of the door, blocking entry.

" Let us in, we're doctors! " the man shook his head at Dr. Cox, " He's crashing! LET US IN!! "

" The patient is stable and resting. Some doctor already went in there. There is no reason for you to go in."

" He is our- er, her friend. " he jabbed a thumb in Elliot's direction. " Step aside, big guy." Cox then attempted to manuver his way around the larger man. The big man gave Perry a hard shove backward and shook his head.

" If you don't stop it, i'm going to have to escort you from the premises. " he professional tone and behavior increased Perry's rage. Instead of acting on the anger, the doctor retreated from the door and leaned against the wall. The guard was at least half a foot taller than Perry and probably a hundred pounds heavier, and Perry wasn,t stupid. There was absolutly no use tackling the guard, even if he was desperate to know what was wrong with his Newbie.

" What the hell happened? " Cox inquired as he caught his breath.

The man grunted uncomfortable. " The patient cut his wrists. It's a damn good thing I found him when I did. "

Cox and Elliot stood, dumbfounded and skeptical of the man. Elliot cried harder and Cox grabbed her by the shoulders. He pulled her into a tight hug and she willingly fell into the embrace. He leaned his lips down to her ears and whispered, " Distract the guard. " Still locked into the hug she replied quietly,

" How? "

" Use what God gave you. " with that he patted her on the back and said, loud enough for the guard to hear, " It'll be okay, Sweetheart. " Cox smiled sympathetically and winked at her.

She had no idea if the hug was sincere, or part of his master plan, or a little bit of both, but she was grateful for it either way. Following her superior's instruction, she wiped the tears and mascara from her cheeks and flirtatiously towards the guard.

" Are you okay, miss? " he asked her caringly, but still not wavering from his professional stature.

" I'm, i'm... " she fell to the ground about 10 feet away from the door. The guard rushed her way and left the door unprotected. Perry jumped at the opprotunity and tiptoed into the room where his protege lay.

--

Inside, Nurse Paul Flowers was wrapping gauze around J.D's bleeding wrists. The younger doctor refused to make eye contact with the nurse or his mentor. Paul looked up from his work and at Perry.

" Who let you in? This room is supposed to be- "

" I don't give a fuck what this room is " supposed " to be! This is my patient and nobody has the right to keep me from seeing him! So, how about you get your ASS away from him and you can just leave him in my very capable, licensed DOCTOR hands. " he emphasised his profession to the nurse and crossed his arms, eagarly awaiting a sarcastic reply. Instead, the nurse patted J.D on the back and promised to return. The boy flinched at the man's touch and curled himself into a ball. Flowers left without another word.

" Why? " Cox was squinting his eyes at his frail protege. " Why did you tell me that you were fine? Why would you try to kill yourself again?! And please, Newbie, tell me where the Hell you found something in her, a "safe" room, to slit your wrists with?

" Why do you act like you even care, you selfish, egotistical, irritating son-of-a-bitch! " he took a deep breath and shook back an unbearable amount of pain. " I'm Percival Cox, over confident, self centered, sheltered doctor with a GOD COMPLEX!! " he screamed the last words into the empty space between him and his surprisingly calm mentor.

Cox watched him curiously. It was clear to the more experienced doctor that his protege was experencing some severe mood swings, most likely brought on by the trauma he went through and the different pain medications being systematically pumped into his blood stream. The only thing to do in the situation would be to remain calm and professional.

Instead, Cox fell to his knees.

" What are you doing?! "

" I'm begging. "

" Wha-?"

" I am begging, for God sake! I am BEGGING you to stop, Newbie. I really can't keep this up much longer. Your repeated suicide attempts are more than just a little bit of a nuisence to me!I've been working for the past 15 hours, even though my shift ended at 5. It is now 8 o'clock at night, Sandra! So it'd be much appreciated if you'd just get some help and stop all of this."

J.D sat in silence after the rant. Thinking about how those men kicked him and raped him and how he begged them to stop. Like Dr.Cox was begging him. Was he like them? Was he just like those men? His breathing became frantic, faster and faster until he couldn't see. The room spun around him and his mentor's face in front of him turned into an indistinguishible blob.

" Barbie! Barbie, he's hyperventilating! I need some oxygen in here, stat! "

Everything was spinning. Colorful swirls of scrubs in front of him.

" J.D, please calm down! Please! " Elliot's squeaky voice in his ears and all the swirls and blobs were just too much

Can't breathe...

Darkness.

J.D fainted.


	4. Karma

" I don't want to be his doctor anymore. "

" Perry, you sound like a child. You can't just stop being his doctor because you don't like him. "

Dr. Cox avoided his bosses gaze. Bob Kelso was by far the most evil man who'd ever walked the halls of Sacred Heart.

" Oh, is the infamous Perry Cox actually speechless? " Kelso continued the taunting.

" It's not that I don't like him, Bob. I'm killing him. "

" Perry, I must tell you, the murder of the patients isn't really on the agenda here at Sacred Heart... "

" Bob, let's cut the crap. People don't change overnight. Especially people like me. The kid has been through a lot and i've tried, but I can't help him. The more I say to him the worse he gets. He's attempted suicide twice now Bob, _twice_, and i'm pretty sure I had a big part in that. He fainted, most likely cause by stress because I keep yelling at him. You've got to understand, I don't dislike Newbie, I just can't stop. If I stay his doctor, he'll probably die. "

" I think you are afraid, Perry, and I think you need to get over it, man up and do your job. I read his chart too and I know what he's going through. _He_ was abused, _you_ were abused, so the two of you have a lot in common. You will be his doctor and you will deal with it. End of story. " Bob continued sifting through the stacks of papers on his desk.

" Bob, you don't understand..."

" I may not understand, but I still make the rules. Just treat him like he's another patient, not your little "protégé" and do what you normally do with your patients. Detach yourself. "

" He is not my 'protégé'," Cox hissed, " I don't know why you people always think that me and Newbie are- "

"Lovers? Yeah, I started that rumor Perry. But that is beside the poi- "

" I was going to say friends, but what the hell, Bob?! I've been having to tell people that Newbie isn't my boyfriend for the past 2 weeks, you son-of-a-bitch! "

" Oh, well then never mind. " Bob stared down at his paperwork and willed the flush out of his cheeks. " Perry, we have nothing more to discuss. You can deny it all you want, but I and the rest of the staff know that you and Dr. Dorian aren't just acquaintances. He is your protégé and you are his mentor, no matter what you say about it. We've all had them, Perry. Just look at this sad sack. "Kelso pointed behind him to a sleeping Ted." He follows me around day after day. "

"I hate you... "Ted muttered in his sleep.

" Oh yeah, Bob, he just looooooooves you. " Perry elongated the word to show Bob just how 'unaffected' he was by his boss's opinion. "I have to go but this is not over. I don't want-"

"Since when do I care what you want, Perry?" Bob laughed and turned back to his work. Cox growled in his throat and turned to leave the large office.

"By the way, Perry, "Kelso called just before the younger doctor left the room, "you sound so stupid when you growl like that. What do you think you're a dog or something? Nobody-"

Cox growled once again and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Carla ran up to the already raging man.

"Dr Cox-" she gasped as if she'd run there.

"What is it, Carla!? What the HELL do you want? "

"Bambi left."

" How? "

" I guess the guard was flirting with Elliot and they were talking- "

" Please, Carla, cut to the chase. "

" He left. Right through the front door, too. " Carla's worried expression showed through the mask of strength she tried to wear.

" Oh, God... He just fainted an hour ago! He tried to kill himself! He can't just leave! He doesn't have any pain medication, either. He's going to... oh, God... " At that, Cox sprinted off toward the lobby of the hospital. he was met at the door by a worried looking Turk and Elliot.

" How long ago was it that he left? " Cox asked, frantically.

" Ten, maybe fifteen minutes. Oh God, Dr. Cox, he's walking the streets in his hospital gown. Where could he go? " Elliot's voice was about 3 octaves higher than normal.

" I don't...wait a second. Would he really go back there? "

" Huh? Where? " Turk and Elliot studied him carefully.

" I'll be back, okay? Call me if he comes back here. " Dr. Cox pushed passed the worried doctors, walked to his Porsche and opened the door. As he sat in the car, he could smell the familiar smell that he liked to call, " Patient ".

" Don't move. " It took him but a moment to recognize the voice and the cold metal on his neck that was a surgical scapel. " If you move, i'll..."

" You don't have the balls, Newbie. " Cox laughed, but inside he was trembling.

" Why are you so mean to me? " J.D whined. " For once, I just needed you to be there for me, to help me without being a jackass and you couldn't put your no attachments rule aside for one fucking second, just to help me! For the past 6 years i've done everything you've asked of me, i've taken all the bullshit and abuse. I just needed you one time, Perry, one time! " He was crying now. " Why couldn't you just come through for me?? Why? "

" It's hard for me, J.D. I'm not capable of...doing that..."

" You don't try, Perry, because you don't care! "

" That's not true and you know it." the older doctor yelled, despite the fact he was being held at knife point. " I do care, i'm just not good at showing it, or,or,or saying it or acting like it!! "

" I feel like dirt. I just needed someone...it didn't matter who, just someone to listen, to care. " the younger doctor whimpered.

" I know you feel like dirt, J.D, but it's not going to get better if you keep trying to kill yourself. "

" The pain will go away if I kill myself. " J.D replied, emotionless.

" No, J.D, the pain will go away if you get help and try to focus on the future. You need to tell your friends."

" No, I can't tell them. They can never know, Dr. Cox. If you tell them..."

" I already told you, I can't say a word. Nobody can tell them but you. "

The two men sat there in silence, J.D's shaking hand holding the knife against Perry's neck.

" I'm pretty sure you don't want to kill me, J.D "

" How the hell do you know? "

" Because I know you, J.D and you are not a killer. You are a good hearted person. I-I-I admire you for it. I always have. "

" You sure don't act like it. "

" I don't treat anyone nicely, it's just not in my nature. Not even my son and my wife. But I really am trying here. "

" Can't you just try harder, Perry. One would think you'd try harder, seeing as nobody is around and you've got a knife to your neck. " J.D sneered at him.

" What do you want me to say, kid? " The younger doctor pondered this question and began to cry again.

" Tell me that i'm worth something! Tell me that i'm not a screw-up, that I didn't desearve to get the shit beat out of me, to have my dignity ripped away. Tell me that it's gonna be okay, Perry, and mean it. " Perry didn't say a word. J.D threw the knife into the passenger's seat of the car and got out. He wobbled a little bit, but made his way toward the bar. Cox, trembling from the incident, sat for only a moment to think about his protege's plea. Then, he started the car and followed J.D.

" J.D!! " Cox yelled to his protege from across heavy traffic. The boy continued walking. From his car about 15 feet away from J.D, he could see the fear plastered on his face, most likely because he was less than a mile from the place he was attacked. Perry followed closely in his car, still trying to gain the young doctor's attention. Finally, J.D stopped in front of the alley and stared. It was a dirty alley, stained with dirt and...Cox squinted his eyes. Blood. Probably J.D's blood. He watched, detached from the scene as J.D fell to his knees and sobbed into his hands, shoulders heaving up and down erratically.

As quickly as possible, Perry found a parking space and parellel parked next to where J.D was kneeling. It wasn't the nicest neighborhood, and he wasn't about to leave his protege or his car alone. He stood beside J.D and watched him cry.

" Is this where... " he asked as softly as his gruff voice possibly could. J.D managed a nod and tried to stifle another sob.

" And this it your blood?" he choked on the word 'blood' and tried to hold back his emotions. He wanted to cry, because his friend was in pain. Yes, he'd admit it, J.D was his friend. But more than that, he was his protege and... Perry loved him, even if he didn't know it yet.

J.D nodded in response to the question and gasped for air.

" Hey, hey, shh, your okay. " Cox leaned on the ground and put one arm protectively over the younger man's shoulder. J.D was starting to hyperventilate again.

" I'm-sorry-for-trying-to-kill-you. " He cried out between the uncontrollable sobs. Perry stroked a hand through the boy's unmanaged hair. He took notice of the lack of product and the general uncaring attitude J.D held about his appearence. It had only been about a day since the attack, so the man shouldn't even be out of bed, let alone the hospital yet.

Cox wrapped his arms affectionatly around the frail man and hugged him, pulling him up at the same time. He stole another glance into the now empty alleyway. His friend's blood was a dried up, maroon substance on the cement and the brick wall. " You really got it bad, didn't you J.D? "

For the first time in a while, J.D looked his mentor straight in the eyes and nodded. " The pain...God, it was..." Surprisingly to the older man, J.D pulled away and took a step into the alleyway. He walked cautiously and with pain, his medication having obviously worn off, until he was standing directly in the dried puddle of his own blood.

" Feels like it's been forever, but it's only been a day. "

" Time is really lost on you when you try to kill yourself...twice..." Cox chimed in. J.D looked his way and nodded.

" J.D, about what you said earlier-"

" What was it? I don't remember. "J.D was kneeling in pain now, pain from the memories and the injuries.

" About how you wanted me to tell you that everything was gonna be okay and all that? "

" What about it? " Freah tears were pooling in his eyes from the intense ache in his ribs.

" You did nothing to deserve this, J.D. I can't promise you that everything is going to be okay, but I'm going to do my best to help you. You can't completely give up on me if I get a little bit impatient, but you can tell me when i'm being an ass, okay? "

J.D said nothing but glanced up at his mentor gratefully.

" J.D, are you listening? "

The younger man managed a weak nod and a pained gasp before gripping onto his friend's arm for support. " The pain...I..."

" Just try to breathe, Newbie. I'm gonna drive us back to the hospital. Unless you want to walk. " Perry's attempt at humor was weak and unnoticed by J.D.

" I...can't..." J.D tried to move his feet, but the slightest move sent a jab through his entire being. Dr. Cox noticed the panic on his protege's face, and did what he had to do. With very little effort, he bent down and lifted J.D, bridal style. Effortlessly, the older doctor carried J.D to the Porsche and laid him down in the backseat.

" I think i'm dying, Perry... "

" You're not dying, Newbie. Just save your energy, okay kid? " Cox adjusted his mirror to look at the weak man. " And don't call me Perry. " J.D smiled slightly, but the twisted and agonized expression stayed on his bruised face. They drove in silence back to the hospital. Perry paged Elliot and Carla on the way, telling them that J.D was fine and that they were on there way back to Sacred Heart. Upon their arrival to the hospital, a stretcher was wheeled out and awaiting them at the front entrance of the building. Carla, Turk and Elliot ran out to greet them,

" What the heck, Bambi!? Why'd you have to scare me like that? " Carla whimpered as she grabbed the man's hand. Cox placed him gently on the stretcher and pulled the oxygen mask over the boy's mouth, to prevent his reply.

" Leave the kid alone for now, okay? He's in pain. "

The three of them looked on in awe as Dr. Cox stroked J.D's hair and whispered reassuringly into his ear. Turk walked up to the stretcher and began to wheel it into the hospital, all the while staring at Dr. Cox like the man had a fungus growing on his face. The surgeon and the older doctor together pushed the stretcher into Sacred Heart. They were greeted by a worried looking Kelso.

" Gee, Sport, you gave us quite a scare. " He patted J.D gently on the shoulder and slipped something into his hand. " Here is a pamphelt to a Rape Trauma Center. They can help you sort this all out." He smiled at J.D and walked off. Carla, Turk and Elliot stared incredulously. Finally, Carla broke the silence.

" Oh, Bambi...Rape? " she cried.

J.D felt his world spinning. He silently begged Dr.Cox to do something, anything to change what had just happened. Reading the signs, Perry grabbed the end of the stretcher and pushed J.D back up to his room, without another word to his three friends.

--

" How could he...? I don't..." Elliot stumbled over her words more than usual as the three of them stared into J.D's room.

" I can't believe J.D was raped. " Carla whispered.

" Why didn't he tell us about it? " Turk couldn't take his eyes away from the room. Perry sat close to J.D on the edge of his bed. All the color was drained out of the young doctor's nomally bright face, but the older man held his hand affectionately and they talked quietly.

" He was probably embarassed, baby. You know Bambi, he wouldn't want us to think of him as more vulnerable than we already do. "

" It's hard to believe. I mean, I thought he was just bullied or something. But...rape? " Elliot's voice broke and the hot tears burned her eyes. The three stood in silence at the window to the room. After about an hour, Dr. Cox opened the door and walked out.

" How is he? " The three asked in unison.

" Grr... " Cox growled at the group and trudged off. " Follow me, the kid needs to sleep. " The friends quickly obliged and soon found themselves and Dr. Cox standing in the cafeteria. The older man grabbed a large cup of coffee and plopped down at a nearby table. Turk and Carla sat across him and Elliot pulled up a chair next to Perry. After a few minutes of small talk, Elliot yelled, " Stop avoiding the problem and tell us what's going on, Dr. Cox.! "

" Barbie, your bat-like voice is really giving me a migrain, and seeing as I have been awake of at least the past 24 hours, i'm going to have to warn you that if you don't SHUT your mouth, I will be forced to shove my foot so far up your ass that you won't be able to sit for years to come. Try me, Barbie, I dare you. " Cox sneered at the younger girl before taking another sip of his coffee. " J.D has asked me to not tell any of you anything, and being his primary physician, i'm gonna have to abide by that request. If you have any problems with that, you had better not go in there and bother him with your petty problems or I will have you forcibly removed. Are we all clear on that? " Perry stood up from his seat and after tossing his empty coffee cup in a nearby trashcan, left the group sitting speechless in the cafeteria.

" Since when did he care? " Elliot whispered through scratchy sobs. " Carla, we've been friends with J.D since he started working here. And Turk, you and him go way back. All Cox ever does is treat him like crap and make him feel like dirt. Now he wants to tell US to leave J.D alone! I think we should go see him, he's our friend! "

" No, we can't, Elliot. If Dr. Cox catches us in Bambi's room, he'll have us removed and then we won't get to see him until he's out. I think it's best that we just stay away. "

" Carla's right, Elliot. We can't go making Dr. Cox any madder. We should just leave Vanilla Bear alone until he is ready to talk. "

" But- "

" No buts, Elliot. I love Bambi as much as you do, but we need to leave it alone. " At that, Carla and Turk left the cafeteria and Elliot sitting alone.

--

" Why'd he do it, Per- er, Dr. Cox? " J.D wondered aloud.

" Who did what, Newbie? "

" Why did Kelso do that to me? "

" J.D, Kelso is normally a jack-ass. Actually, he's one about 99.99999 of the time. But yesterday, I think he may have been trying at decency. " Dr.Cox was sitting on the edge of the bed again and talking to his young protege. Over the past 2 days, they'd formed a bond that nobody ever expected they would. Like a father and a son. " Don't worry about your friends, you'll be fine. "

" I dunno... I'm not that strong..."

" Yes you do. " J.D eyed him doubtfully.

" Then why do you always call me a girl? "

" I'm not talking about physical strength, Shirley. I'm talking mentally. Physically, you're in the girly department. But mentally, psh, you've got an extremely high metal capacity. I mean, look at _me_. I drown my sorrows in liquor and sports, I don't really DEAL with anything and I take all of my emotions out on, well, you. "

" Maybe, but you could still fight back. " the younger doctor's eyes fell to stare at his bruised skin.

" No, Newbie. I already told you that I wouldn't have been able to fight off all of those guys. And if I tried, I would probably would have gotten killed. What good would that have done? "

" I guess..."

" Please, J.D, stop doubting yourself. You didn't do anything wrong..."

" Tell that to my friends."

" Your friends don't blame you for it, nobody thinks that it was your fault. Only you and your over active imagination."

" What did they say? "

" I told them all to leave you alone until you felt like talking about it. I also threatened a little bit. That was fun..." Cox tilted his head as he remembered the incident.

" Wait a minute! Did Perry Cox just have a DAYDREAM?! " J.D giggled at the thought, despite the pain that was creeping it's way up his side.

" No, no I didn't!! "

" Yes, yes you did. " J.D argued, egging on his already antagonized mentor.

Cox let out his trademark growl and shot a glance toward J.D.

" More morphine? "

" How did you know? "

" I just do. " Cox replied as he walked over to adjust the medication.

J.D sighed as he felt the morphine kicking in. " I think i'm becoming hooked. " Cox shot him and evil glare and J.D felt his blood run cold. Noticing the sudden color change in J.D's unbruised facial tissues, Perry grinned broadly to let the boy know he was kidding.

" You don't need to worry, kid, " Dr. Cox stolled across the room and tenderly patted his protege's damaged back. " I'm just messin with you. "

At that moment, Carla tiptoed into the room

"Hey, Bambi, I just came in here to check on you. I tried to get Dr. Kelso to make me your nurse, but he refused. I think I know why..." she glared at Dr. Cox and then smiled softly at JD. " I realize you don't want to talk to us about what happened, but if you ever do, just- "

" He knows, Carla. Let's drop it, okay? " Cox took immediate notice of J.D pulse change when Carla brought up the 'incident'. Interrupting her was him mearly protecting J.D.

" Oh, sure...um, I guess i'll leave. " she walked out of the room, pausing at the door to throw one more apolegetic smile toward J.D.

--

Perry did not leave J.D side, until hours later, when the pair was disturbed by Dr. Cox's beeper.

" Ugh, what now? " he glanced at his pager and sighed, " Gang shooting. Figures..." he muttered as he stood up and smoothed the wrinkles from his scrubs. " I'll be back as soon as possible, okay? " J.D's face fell. " Perk up, Lucy, I promise i'll be back. " With that, the bolted from the room and into the nearby hallway.

J.D, made curious by all of the commotion, grabbed the cane that Perry left for him and got out of bed, slow going at first but inevitably picking up pace as he headed out. He was met by a disaster zone. At least 7 men were being rushed into the hospital on stretchers and there was blood everywhere. Perry stood at the stretcher of one man who was crashing. J.D watched as his mentor revived the man and wheeled the stretcher in front of J.D, then left to tend to more severe cases.

The younger doctor stared at the victim. Blood and dirt was smeared on his body and he had two bullets in his chest, but the eyes remained the same as they were the last time J.D had seen them. Cold, ruthless.

" No..." J.D whispered as the awful memories flooded back at him, like a bullet to his own heart.

_" How'd you like that. " the bigger man laughed as he kicked J.D._

_" Please..." J.D begged, struggling to breathe._

_" Come on, let's go, guys. Grab his cash! " one of the smaller guys yelled as he headed out of the alley._

_" I have a better idea. " One of the bulkier guys called out. He had bucked teeth and thick black hair. His skin was pasty white._

_" What, Tiny? " _

_Tiny reached out and pulled down J.D's pants and boxers. " Let's have some fun. "_

--

Tiny lay on the stretcher in front of J.D. He struggled to breathe through the pain of his wounds. The injured man stared fearfully at J.D and barely squeaked out, " Think i'm gonna die? "

" One can only hope... " J.D said back to Tiny, hatred and fear for the man causing his breathing to quicken.

" What the hell is that supposed to mean!? " Perry appeared, standing on the other side of the man's stretcher. " Did you just say what I think you did? And why are you out of bed in the first place? "

J.D said nothing, just stared into the cold eyes of his attacker.

" J.D? What is it? " Both the injured men continued to ignore Perry's questioning.

The gunshot victim raised an eyebrow at J.D and gasped through the pain. " I know you...you're..." He thought for a moment and then his eyes widened, " You're-the-guy...the other night..." Tiny shook his head. " No, never mind..."

" No, you were right, Tiny. " J.D spat the name out and swallowed away the tears. " You see this! " J.D pointed to his black eyes. " You did that! And this! " He lifted sleeves and showed the man all of the bruises. " This is **your **fault! Tell me, how does it feel to have all the control taken away from you?! "

Dr. Cox stood, speechless, shocked and naive to what was unfolding in front of his eyes.

" Man, I...we were just having some fun...no harm, right? "

" No harm?! No fucking harm!? " J.D ripped the side of his hospital gown and revealed the extent of the bruising and the broken ribs. Tiny looked away and desperatly at Dr. Cox, who still stared blankly at both of the men. " Look at it, you monster, you,you,you rapist!! " J.D grabbed Tiny's head and yanked it toward him. The man stared at what he'd done. Panic and guilt filled his flooded eyes. Blood poured from the wound, the wound that Perry was supposed to be tending to, but he just couldn't tear his eyes away from the man.

" I can't breathe..." he begged Dr. Cox with his eyes. " Please, Doc...I can't breathe. "

" Are you one of them? Did you...did you hurt him? "

Tiny shook his head frantically and gasped for air.

" Don't you fucking lie to me!! " Cox grabbed the man's collar " You scumbag, you mother fucking scumbag!! "

Tiny's breathing was labored and panicky. " Help me..." Tiny's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he reached out for J.D " I'm...sorry..."

" You should be...you really should..." J.D walked away, refusing to watch the death of his rapist, but taking great joy in it.

" J.D, you know what I have to do. I'll lose my job... " Perry yelled after him, trying to not follow his gut, which told him to let the man rot in hell.

" Wait, you're gonna save him? You're actually going to save this piece of shit? "

" I have to, I hate him as much as you do- "

" Obviously not. "

Dr. Cox pulled his eyes way from J.D's betrayed face and turned around, grabbing an oxygen tank in the process. He roughly placed the mask over the patient's face and tried to avoid J.D's glare. Once Tiny was breathing on his own, Cox turfed him to surgery and finally turned to face the young doctor.

He was gone.

--

" J.D, you can't hide here forever. Dr. Cox was just doing his job, you know that. And you're going to need medication soon. Aren't your ribs bothering you? " Elliot rambled, question after question, sitting with J.D on the floor of the supply closet.

" Can we just not talk, please. I really came here to be alone, but- "

" You know I always come here to cry, J.D. You should have known i'd be in here. "

" Why are you crying, Elliot? Did something happen with Keith? "

" No, J.D, my best friend was beaten, raped, then he tried to kill himself TWICE! Then he tried to escape the hospital " she threw her hands up in the air and stifled an angry scream. " I'm sorry, but i've just been worried. "

" I know...i'm sorry i've worried you so much. " Elliot looked over and saw his downcast eyes, filling to the brim with tears once again.

" I've never seen you cry so much before...still, it's not your fault J.D... " she lifted his sad face with her hand and wiped off the few fallen tears.

" I really thought Dr. Cox was gonna come through for me. He's always been so angry before. Angry at me, angry at his ex-wife, angry at everybody. We've both seen him in his rages, and it's not fun. So why wasn't he angry at my rapist? He raped me, for God's sakes, and Perry saves his pathetic excuse for a life?! If it wasn't for him, i'd be fine! Everything would be just fine!! He ruined everything. " The urge to stand up and beat the shit out of the supply closet was growing in his gut. But instead, he remained sitting and looked at Elliot, pained. " What's really scary, is that i'm so depressed, I don't think I have the energy to keep the anger up. I don't know what i'm going to do... "

" I can tell you what I always do. " Elliot chimed in and her face brightened at the thought of giving JD useful advice. " Fake it until you make it, JD. Just pretend like everything is fine and then, eventually, it will be. "

" Does that really work? "

" I did it from the day I stepped into his hellhole, and look at me now! I'm engaged, i'm successful, and i've never been more happy in my entire life. Trust me, it works wonders. Meanwhile, you should talk to a shrink. Preferably not someone who works here, though. I definitlley learned my lesson there. " She blew her bangs out of her face and stood up in the closet. " I have to run now, but please, think about what I said. And I promise, I won't mention any of this to ANYBODY. " She reached her hand down to J.D. " Ready to get up yet? "

" I don't think I can, Elliot. "

" Why? "

J.D laughed forcibly and pointed to his side, fresh blood pouring out the side of the gauze. " Guess my body wasn't quite ready for indian style yet. "

" Oh my God, are you okay? "

" Seeing as my morphine just wore off, not really. " he gasped at the slightest movement and sat back against the wall, blood gushing out faster with every breath.

" Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!! " the blonde doctor just stood in place, panickedly watching her friend's blood drip onto the supply closet floor.

" Um, Elliot? "

" Yeah, what is it, J.D? "

" Please do something... "

" Oh, right. Right... Um, stay there! " she backed out of the supply closet and bumped into someone. The janitor smiled brightly at her and winked.

" Whoa, little lady. Watch your step. " he pointed to a nearby sign that read, " Wet floor ", " I wouldn't want you to fall. "

" Oh, Janitor, thank goodness. " She grabbed his arm and tugged him to the closet. " He's losing blood really fast, and I know you don't like him but- "

" Whoa, Scooter, what happen? " J.D just stared fearful at the man who'd dedicated 6 years to torturing him. Janitor wore a look of honest concern on his newly, pale face. The tall man leaned over swiftly and picked J.D up off of the ground. He was careful not to touch the wound as he ran the boy over to a nearby stretcher.

" Don't worry, kid, you'll be fine. What room, Blonde Doctor? "

Elliot pointed in the direction and the two of them wheeled J.D off. His face had drained of all color and was dripping with sweat. The entire front of his gown was soaked in blood and he felt close to vomiting. Oxygen was getting hard to find and the pain more intense than ever. When they made it to his room, the three were met by a concerned Dr. Kelso and a sweatier than usual Ted.

" What happened here? " Kelso questioned as soon as they wheeled him in.

" I think that one of his ribs nicked an artery! We need to get him up to surgery, now! " Elliot cried as she stepped away from the stretcher and into the Janitor's arms.

" What are you waiting for, Dr. Reid, wheel him over to surgery! "

" There isn't any room up there, Dr. Kelso. All of the gang fighters are in there. " Elliot's controlled cries turned into full on sobs as she buried her head into the Janitor's chest. " He's probably going to die because of those men after all. "

" No, he won't. " Kelso grabbed the phone that laid on JD's bedside table. He punched in several numbers and waited. " Freddy, it's Bob Kelso. Listen, I need a favor. My surgeons are all tied up and one of my doctors is injured. He needs surgery immediatly, or we're going to lose him. I'm going to need you to send a few of your surgeons over to Sacred Heart...No, i'm not joking...Well, I guess i'll just have to tell that lovely wife of yours about those ' buisness trips ' you've been taking...I'm completely serious, Fred...Okay, good. Have them here soon. " Kelso hung up and looked over at J.D. While he was on the phone, Elliot got him an oxygen tank and prepped him for surgery. " You're going to be fine, kid. " Bob patted him softly on the shoulder and turned to Elliot. " Good work, Dr. Reid. " Elliot nodded and leaned back onto the Janitor again.

" He'll be fine. Scooter's tough. "

--

" Should I contact Dr. Cox? " Elliot piped up after several anxious minutes passed by. Sacred Joy hospital was 15 miles away, so it took what seemed like forever for them to reach Sacred Heart. J.D's condition was deteriorating rapidly.

" No, he doesn't need to know yet. "

" But him and J.D are- "

" Lovers? No, I made that up. "

" He's his doctor! "

" Dr. Reid, Dr. Cox will be notified when it is completely necessary. What we need to worry about now it Dr. Dorian's condition. Just be ready to move when the surgeons get here."

Finally, they arrived at Sacred Heart. 3 surgeons rushed up to the room and grabbed J.D 'sstretcher, wheeling him away. They went so fast that Elliot couldn't keep up.

" Whatever. " she cried out, desperate to be with her friend. She knew he was probably in surgery, so there was nothing more for her to do, except wait. In a daze, she made her way over to the cafeteria and jumped in line. After buying a sandwich ( despite the fact she knew there was no way she'd eat ) and a coffee, Elliot looked around the room. Her heart nearly stopped when she spotted Dr. Cox, sulking alone in a corner and blankly staring at a paper he held in his hand.

Waiting to avoid an inevitably awkward, painful and uncomfortable conversation, she steered clear of Perry and instead sat next to a badly shaken Janitor. The two sat together in silence, neither one of them felt words necessary to fit the moment. Elliot sighed loudly without realizing it, causing the whole room to look at her, including Dr. Cox. He stood up from his chair and made his way over to the two of them. Janitor noticed first.

" Are we supposed to tell him about Scooter? "

" Uh...i'll deal with him. Don't worry about it. "

Janitor sighed with relief and closed his eyes as Perry took a seat next to him.

" Have either of you seen Newbie? I'm his doctor, so I need to know his whereabouts. " Perry's voice sounded tired and wounded. Elliot looked down at her cup of coffee and blinked away the tears.

" Barbie, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? " Cox pressed her. Tensions in the room rose and Elliot let the tears fall down.

" I think one of his broken ribs pierced an artery. All the scumbags from the stupid gang thing were in surgery, so he had to wait 30 minutes for some surgeons from Sacred Joy to show up. He lost a lot of blood, Dr. Cox. Too much blood..." she barely muttered out the last few words before the older doctor stormed out of the room, cursing underneath his breath.

" I thought he hated Scooter. "

" Yeah, " Elliot choked out. " So did I. "


	5. Selfishness

Hey, appreciated readers. Listen, I was thinking about how much I love all of you who've reviewed, so I wanted to say THANKS, and please keep leaving feedback ( Whether it be positive OR negitive ) Anyway, as a reward, I decided to give you a very very very very long chapter. I hope you enjoy and leave some lovely comments that fill me up with joy! )

Dr. Cox POV

I keep finding myself drifting off. I guess i've spent a little bit too much time around Newbie lately.

It's hard to believe that in the past three days, so much has changed. I'm not overthinking it **too** much, mostly because all of my thoughts are consumed by him. I don't have time to think about anything else, because his words are taunting me.

_" Wait, you're gonna save him? You're actually going to save this piece of shit? "_

He sounded so betrayed.

I saved the bastard, and now he hates me. End of story.

Dont' get me wrong, I wanted nothing more than to grab that rapist, son-of-a-bitch and kill him, but I am a doctor. It is my duty to save lives, not take them.

And part of me knew that if I could get J.D to report them, his attackers would rot in prison anyway, so really, why not let them live?

But those eyes... so betrayed...

Those who befriend me just end up getting hurt.

My suspicions are only confirmed as I stand here now.

Watching...

And waiting...

J.D's been in surgery for the past 7 hours.

7 damn hours...

Sacred Joy has some of the best surgeons in the tri-county, way better than those at Sacred Heart. So he's in good hands.

Good...

God, I think i'm losing it.

I guess i'll just keep waiting here. It's not like I have to work today.

I'll stand here until J.D is okay.

If he's okay...

--

Dr. Cox didn't leave the room for 3 more hours.

" Dr. Cox, it's been 10 hours... Go get some sleep. " Elliot voice broke the eerie silence of the room.

" No. " Cox replied, his voice hung with exhaustion and worry, not to mention the slight annoyance that " Barbie " was telling him what to do.

" But you- "

" I don't care about ME, Barbie. I am a piece of shit! Newbie is a good guy. He's doesn't deserve this, any of this! " Cox yelled to hide the sadness. Perry Cox didn't show emotion. Except anger, of course.

" I'm sorry. " she sat down next to him in the waiting room and handed him a large cup of coffee. " I didn''t know how you like it. Usually J.D does that..." her voice broke on his name and she put her head in her hands.

" Yep, Mr. Reliable. " he raised his cup, as if he was toasting to the man.

" Dr Cox? " Elliot squeaked out.

" Yeah, Barbie? "

" What are you thinking about? "

" I've been thinking about a lot of things lately... i've had a lot of time to think since he got in there. " Perry pointed bitterly to the door that led to the room where J.D was being operated on. " He hates me, Barbie..."

" He doesn't, i'm sure of it. We were talking and- "

" Wait, when were you talking? "

" He was hiding with me in, um...a place and we talked about, um, things...? "

" The supply closet? "

" How did you know about that? "

" Everybody knows that you go in there to cry, Barbie. " He managed a weak laugh and shook his head. " Why was he in there? "

" I can't really tell you that, it was confidential, but- "

" Whatever..." Perry stood up and tossed his cup in a nearby trashcan. He trudged over to the door leading into a hallway and turned the knob.

" Wait, Dr. Cox!! " Elliot beckoned him, afraid she'd angered him beyond reason.

" WHAT, BARBIE? WHAT IS IT? "

" He just said he was angry, but that he probably wouldn't stay mad. " Elliot wanted to cringe at the lie, but she shrugged off the feeling and looked back at Perry.

" It won't matter what he said if he doesn't make it... " The man continued walking away.

" Where are you going? "

" Away from you. "

--

Perry roamed the halls of Sacred Heart, awaiting a page that J.D was okay and trying to avoid everybody that he knew. It was a hard task, of course, because Perry was infamous around the hospital. Luckily for him, many of the staff were too afraid to go near him because of the rumors Kelso had circulated throughout the place. He suddenly found himself in the viewing area of J.D's surgery.

The Sacred Joy doctors were sweating profusly. They looked content on their work and didn't look up once. That comforted Perry as he watched the procedure. He couldn't tear his eyes away. J.D look so fragile, much more than usual. His hair was matted and his skin paler than ever before. He lookod ghostly.

Perry stood at the window for 45 more minutes, waiting for news. Finally, he saw the three men from the other hospital take off their gloves and stare at J.D.

For Dr.Cox, the world seemed to freeze inside that moment. His heart stopped as he searched for the slightest sign that his Newbie was okay. The tallest of the three men broke a smile and stuck out his hand to high five his fellow surgeons. The three of them were beaming with pride.

But more importantly, J.D was alright.

The men made there way into the viewing area, which contained a water basin to wash up in. They grinned when they spotted Dr. Cox and they stuck out freshly washed hands.

" Hi, i'm Dr. Xander and this is Dr. Zanzebar and Dr. Goldfield. " Dr. Cox shook hands with all of the men.

" Dr. Cox. " he replied. " So, how's he doin? "

" Well, there were some minor complications..." Dr. Xander avoided Perry's gaze.

" But he's fine, right? "

" Yes, he's fine. It was just- "

" Eh, don't tell me. I really don't want to know. " Perry stared at J.D, still lying on the operating table. " As long as he's okay, I don't need to know what happened in there. "

The two surgeons nodded at Perry and walked out of the room. Soon, Paul Flowers strolled in and wheeled J.D up to recovery. Perry followed silently behind him and waited until J.D's room was completely empty to enter.

J.D was unconcious when Perry walked in, his anestisia not quite worn off yet.

" Hey Newbie. " Dr. Cox patted his shoulder. " The drama never stops with you lately, does it? " he managed a weak laugh and sighed. " I know that you pretty much hate me right now, but I...I need you to pull through this. This hospital needs at least one doctor who actually cares. "

" Heh, you need me. " J.D whispered raspily. The sudden reaction jerked Dr. Cox back to reality.

" Heh, don't get a big head. " Cox smiled, waiting for J.D to remember how angry he was. " Aren't you gonna bite my head off? "

" Too tired..."

" Oh..uh, later then? "

J.D thought about the question.

_" Just fake it till you make it. " _Elliot's words floated around in his groggy thoughts.

" No. "

" O-kay..." J.D's indifference was more than a little bit strange to J.D. He at least expected the man to give him the silent treatment, if not a good tongue lashing.

" It's not good to hold it in, J.D. " Perry pressed, wondering all the while why he was trying to make J.D angry with him.

" I'm not holding anything in, Perry. I have bigger things on my mind than you saving that piece of shit. " J.D smiled, hoping that Dr. Cox was buying the act he'd been putting on.

" Actually, he died, J.D. All of the men involved in the shooting died during surgery. I think our surgeons stopped trying after a while. Especially Ghandi, after he found out that you needed surgery but there weren't any open spots because of the gang members. Still, by the time any of the surgeries were done, Kelso already had some surgeons from Sacred Joy here to operate on you. "

" Kelso is so nice. " J.D replied, wanting secretly to bother Dr. Cox.

" Whoa, I take it your painkillers are making you a little bit loopy? "

" No, I mean it. Kelso's always come through for me. "

J.D's defending of Bob Kelso really set Perry off. " Are you kidding, Newbie? Seriously, I don't know what they are giving you, but it obviously made you forget that Robert Kelso is, in fact, the spawn of Satan. "

" Just because you don't like him doesn't mean I can't. " J.D really didn't like Dr. Kelso, but messing with Perry was too much fun.

Cox growled and began pacing the floor.

" And by the way, you sound ridiculous when you growl like that. " J.D remarked, sticking his nose defiantly to his mentor.

" Okay, obviously there are some angry feelings that need to be worked out between us, because normally, you wouldn't even DARE talk to me like that. " Perry muttered through gritted teeth.

" Well, normally you... eh, you know what? Let's just forget about all of this, okay? I just want to relax. " J.D turned his head and peered out the window.

" I know that you're mad. "

" No, Dr. Cox, i'm not mad. I don't have the emotional capacity to be mad. I'm tired, hurt, sad, dep- " he realized he was about to say depressed and quickly decided against it. Elliot's words once again ran through his mind. " Um, confused and did I mention completely sick of this bed? " he grinned weakly at his mentor and sighed. He wanted nothing more than to yell at Perry and ask him why he had to be such a jerk, but he would do nothing of the sort.

_" The guys died," J.D thought, "so it's not like they're roaming the streets still. Maybe Perry knew that Tiny would die anyway, so he helped him to avoid getting sued. Oh well, it doesn't reallly matter._

" Alright, J.D, I believe you. But if you do want to talk about what happened, you know i'm here. "

" Fine... " J.D's anger toward Dr. Cox dissipated as the man walked over and sat right next to J.D on the bed.

" You're gonna be just fine, kid. "

**4 LONG, LONG, LONG Days Later **

" Dr. Cox? " Lonnie squeaked as he called out his superior's name.

" What is it now? " the older man hissed through clenched teeth, clearly aggravated. It had been exactly one week since J.D's attack, an especially trying week for Perry and J.D.

Fortunately for the both of them, nothing else bad had happened since J.D's surgery, so he was well on the way to physical recovery. And psychological recovery too, as far as Dr. Cox could see.

" I heard some crying last night coming from Dr. Dorian's room. I just thought you should know. " Lonnie scurried off and left Perry standing in front of J.D's room.

_Crying? He told me he's been feeling better..._

Cox took one step in the room. He was in far enough that J.D could see him, but not so much that his protege knew he was there. J.D was talking on the phone.

" Yeah, Dan, i'm fine...No, really, I just got a little roughed up...They died, Dan...No, Perry didn't kill them...Gang shooting... Yes, I told you i'm okay...You don't need to visit...I don't need you here right now, Dan. There's a lot going on and I think-...No, i'm not ashamed of you it's just-...Stop crying...Pleas-...Dan, I just think-...Stop interrupting me for one fucking second! I can't deal with you right now, i've got a lot on my plate! Not everything is always about you! "

J.D slammed the phone down and broke out into tears. After several minutes, J.D wiped his eyes and took a deep breath.

" Fake it till I make it. If I pretend that i'm okay, i'll be okay." he told himself aloud, still completely unaware that Perry was in the room, listening to his every word. " I don't want to be a burden. "

Dr. Cox knew that now was the time. If he came in now, it didn't seem like he was eavesdropping. " What will make you a burden? "

" Oh, um, what do you mean? "

" I just heard you say you'll be a burden. " Perry crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at the man.

" Oh, that's just a song. "

" Really...sing it. "

" What? "

" If that's a song, then sing it, J.D. "

" Okay..." J.D opened his mouth and took in a breath to sing. He closed his eyes and waited for a sudden burst of inspiration to bail him out of the mess he was in. " If I- " he was cut of by Perry's hand over his mouth.

" Please, don't sing. "

" Why not? "

" It's irritating and you're using it to cover up whatever it is that you're hiding. "

" I'm not hiding anything, Perry. " Cox raised his eyebrow at J.D and shook his head.

" I know when you're lying. It's my special sense. " Perry pressed him.

" It's no big deal..."

" It must be a big deal, if you think it's going to make you a burden. "

" It's just...i've been lying to you..." J.D looked away from the man and to the floor. Tension rose in the room and J.D shifted uncomfortably. " I'm not feeling as great as I let you believe..."

" Go on. " Perry cocked his head.

" I feel really depressed, Dr. Cox. Once second i'll be fine and the next it's like... like I want to...hurt myself. "

The color drained from Dr. Cox's face. " Were you just going to keep this a secret? "

" I was afraid that you'd get tired of me complaining. " Silent tears fell from his downcast eyes.

" J.D, you were raped. That isn't something you just get over. It's only been a week, so nobody expects you to be completely okay. "

" You don't? "

"No, nothing can make it all go away. " Perry shook his head and patted J.D's hand. He noticed it was oddly clammy. " I wish I could and you know I would, but I can't. I expect it to be hard, but it'll all work out. " Usually pessimistic Perry was surprised at his own words.

" I hope..."

" I know. Now I hate to do this to you, but as soon as you get out, you're going to the Rape Trauma Centre that Kelso suggested. They can help you with this depression. "

" Eh, I don't want to. "

" You're going J.D, there are no buts about it. Kelso said that after the two suicide attempts, you can't come back to work unless you get some counseling. I'll go with you. "

" I don't think i'm ready..."

" You'll be just fine, Newbie. You can't just expect this to go away by itself. "

" Fine, i'll go then. "

" Good. Now, how are you feeling? Your hands are clammy. "

" I've been feeling pretty nauseous since I got up this morning. " J.D leaned back in his bed and took a deep breath. Perry put his hand to the younger man's head and checked for a fever. He was burning up.

" Shit, J.D, how long has this been going on? " Panic was rising in Perry's chest. Just when it seemed like J.D was in the clear...

" Just since this morning, I told you that. " J.D was starting to worry. Dr. Cox grabbed a thermometer of a drawer and jabbed it in his mouth.

"Mphfh- "

" Don't talk for a sec, okay?" J.D sighed and awaited the results. Perry yanked the piece of plastic out of his mouth and cursed.

" 103.9! J.D, you- " Dr. Cox glanced up at J.D and noticed the perspiration forming on his forehead.

" I'm cold. "

" Oh, god, Newbie, I wish you'd told me this before. "

" I didn't want to worry you. "

" Stop thinking about me and start thinking about you and your health! You're never going to get out of this hospital if you don't tell me when somethings wrong!! " Cox lectured, hoping that his protege wasn't taking it too hard. " Now, I think you have an infection, so i'm going to get you some antibiotics. I'll be right back. " He left without another word, still angry that J.D hadn't mentioned feeling ill.

On his way to get a prescription for J.D, he passed by a busy-looking Elliot.

" Barbie, I need a favor. " Elliot's eyes lit up and she smirked.

" Heh, you need a favor. Well, Perry, I- "

" Uh-uh. Can it Barbie. J.D has an infection, so I need you to go into his room and keep him company while I get some meds. Oh, don't be so smug and just do it. " Cox stormed off to get what he'd set out for.

--

" Hey J.D." Elliot said while walking into the hospital room.

" Hey, Elliot. " J.D replied weakly, a steady stream of sweat now dripping down his face. " I'm freezing. Can you get me a blanket? "

" I don't want you to get overheated..."

" Please? "

" I can't, J.D. Dr. Cox would have my head. " Elliot whined.

" Fine. "

" I'm sorry... " She felt discomfort hanging in the room. " So, other than this whole infection thing, how have you been feeling? "

" I'm alright, but Dr. Cox's making me go to this trauma centre when I get out..."

" I take it you told him about, " she put a hand up to her mouth and whispered, " the depression? "

" Yeah. " At that moment, Dr. Cox walked in, the rage in his eyes was intense.

" I really gotta go now. " Without looking at either of the men, she up and bolted out of the room.

" What's her problem? " Perry raised an eyebrow at J.D.

" I think I have an idea..." J.D closed his eyes. Perry shifted uncomfortably in the chair next to him and sighed loudly.

" We need to talk. " Perry's voice penetrated the silence.

" Sure..." J.D voice cracked a little bit, for he feared what Perry would say.

" I realize that you have some issues right now, but as your doctor, I need to know when you're feeling off. Had you gone on much longer like that, you know what could have happened. " Perry's stare made J.D cringe.

" Okay, that's fine. " J.D looked at the floor. " Can you leave for a bit? I need some time..." The sadness that protruded from J.D's face forced Perry to frown slightly.

" I just don't want to see you stuck in this bed for any longer than absolutly necessary. "

" I understand, I just need some time alone..."

" Alright. I'll be back in a little while to check on you. "

" Bye Newbie. "

" Bye Perry. " he muttered out as his mentor left the room. J.D was glad to finally be alone.

--

J.D's POV

Finally, some time to think. Time to ponder all the unanswered questions.

Why did Dr. Cox really save Tiny?

Why did Dr. Cox pretend to hate me for the past 6 years?

I am so confused...

I can't stop thinking about those guys. I'm guessing that all the men who attacked me probably died. Painful gang deaths. Heh, they deserved it.

God, i've changed so much in the past week. My mind is dark, depressed, but I am supposed to be cheery, happy. The epic tale of good verses evil, darkness verses the light.

Darkness is winning at the moment.

There are these moments in my day, where I feel the undying urge to end it all. Honestly, no matter how good the future looks in general, it takes all I have in those moments not to slit my wrists.

I guess it's just the depression.

As far as i'm concern, Dr. Cox doesn't need to know the severity of it. I'll take care of it myself.

So when I feel like i'm losing it, i'll just push him away.

Just a little bit, so I can regain my composure.

Good plan, right?

--

Perry POV

He's definitely hiding something.

Yeah, something's definitely up.

And i'm almost 99 sure that he didn't ask me to leave because he was tired, or angry about my lecturing him.

He's fighting some pretty big demons, i'm certain of that.

Poor kid...

I guess i'll go treat some of my other patients for awhile, at least until I think he wants me back in there. Worst case scenario, I tell him I have to check his BP or something, and we can talk about whatever it is that's really bothering him. That's only if he doesn't want me to come in.

Then again, I am his doctor.

So he has to let me in, right?

Whatever. That doesn't matter right now. I have patients to deal with.

" Hello, Mrs. Waterman. I'm Dr. Cox, i'll be taking care of you. now, your chart says that you've been experiencing some cramps in your lower abdomen? "

" Yes, and my lower back. "

" Okay, i'll run some blood tests and get back to you as soon as I can. " I'm out of the room and walking toward the nurses station. Carla looks pissed at me. Great..

" Why aren't you with Bambi? "

" I do have a job, Carla. "

" Yeah, but we all know you'd risk getting fired before you'd leave Bambi alone in his room after two suicide attempts. So go! " she's shooing me. That's irritating.

" I can't. "

" Why not? "

" He asked me to leave..."

" Why would he do that? "

" I don't know, Carla, but I re-he-heely do not need you sticking your nose into _my_ business. I'll tell you this, if you really want to know what's going on in Newbie's head, go ask him yourself. I'm not doing your dirty work for you! "

God, that felt great.

I think i'll go get some coffee, then i'll check on J.D.

He should be okay by then. Right?

--

Dr. Cox made his way back to J.D's room and rehearsed in his head what he'd say. Suddenly, the Janitor popped out of nowhere and stepped in front of the man.

" How's Scooter? "

" Who in God's name is Scooter? "

" Oh, uh...Dr. Dorian? "

" He's fine, Jumpsuit...Why do you ask? Because if you are planning something, I gotta tell you, you're messing with the wrong guy. I'm not going to sit around and watch you sabotage his recovery. " Cox crossed his arms and stared angrily at the larger man.

" No, I was just kinda worried. He was bleeding a lot the other day. "

" When? "

" In the supply closet with Blonde Doctor. Didn't you hear? "

" Of course I did. " Perry walked around the man and continued on his way. When he reached J.D room, he heard panicked sniffles and walked in just in time to see the young doctor frantically wiping his red rimmed eyes.

" You aren't as fantastic an actress as you credit yourself, Paris. The evidence is right there. " Cox motioned toward J.D's tear stained hospital robes. " I think you need some anti-depressants, J.D. "

The younger man opened his mouth to argue, but was cut off by Perry.

" Before you say no, these could really help. "

" Still no. I'll go to the stupid trauma centre, Perry, but i'm not taking crazy pills. No fucking way. "

" Having depression doesn't make you crazy, J.D. It's an illness. "

" I don't _have_ depression. I'm just depressed. "

Perry stared at J.D stupidly.

" Same thing. "

" Not nearly. Just leave it alone, please? "

" FIne, but i'm not leaving this room anymore. Blondie can cover my patients so I can stay with you. "

J.D gulped. Now there would be no time to cry alone, no time to regain that composure that he'd been working so hard to keep.

" I need time by myself. "

" So you can contemplate another suicide attempt? I don't think so. I'll put you back on suicide watch if need be, J.D. Stop arguing and deal with it. "

J.D crossed his arm indignantly and stared at the window. They sat silently.

--

The next day came and went. Perry not leaving the room once and having his interns do everything for him, including bringing him meals. By noon, everything was basically back to normally, except for the slight amount of tension that remained between them.

That day was boring, This day, however, was incredibly exciting.

J.D was getting discharged from the hospital.

--

Carla's POV

Bambi's finally getting out today. He's finally going home...

Apparently with Dr. Cox.

Hmph.

I really can't believe that this is happening. I've known Perry for as long as I can remember and I never EVER expected him to be such a softie.And what about Jordan? Eh, whatever...

I don't really know what's going on, but if he hurts my Bambi, he's dead...

" Bambi, if you need us, me and Turk are just a phone call away. If anything happens between you and Dr. Cox, you can stay with us for as long as you need. Don't you even consider going back to that tent of yours. "

I couldn't stand when he was living in that stupid tent.

" Carla, could I speak to you...over there. " Dr. Cox is pointing away from Bambi, teeth clenched and all. Great, now i'm gonna get my head bitten off.

" Sure. " I answer and follow him about 20 feet away. Here we go.

" Explain yourself, because i'm a little sick of the ' Doctor Cox is gonna hurt poor wittle JD' thing." Perry looks pissed.

" I just...I don't think you are emotionally equipped to take care of a rape victim. Perry, you are the most removed, narcissistic, verbally-abusive, hard ass that i've ever met. Do you really think you can give J.D what he needs? " Ugh, now i'm really gonna get it. Better prepare myself for _this_ tongue lashing. I can practically see stream coming out of his ears.

" I truly do no-hot see how this is any of your fucking business! I am a doctor, Carla! I know how to take care of a rape victim! Don't question me again! " He stormed off. Ah, well, I don't really care this time.

All I know is that he WILL pay if he hurts my Bambi. That's for damn sure.

--

Nurse Flowers wheeled J.D out of the hospital, despite heavy opposition from Perry.

When they made it outside, J.D took a deep breath and sighed dreamily.

" It's been awhile..." J.D stood up immediatly upon their exit from the building. " Good bye Prison, hello-whoa! " his legs weren't quit as strong as he'd assumed, and he nearly tumbled to the ground. Strong arms stop his fall.

" Take it slow, Dr. Dorian. " the nurse helped J.D to his feet. Dr. Cox let out the breathe he'd been holding.

" That's enough, Murse. Thank you. " he sneered venomously and took J.D's arm, roughly. They got him settled into the Porsche. The conversation on the drive back to the apartment was heated.

" Why'd you have to yell at Carla? She was just looking out for me. "

" Do you think she has a reason to feel so self-righteous? Really, am I such a dangerous guy that everyone has to look out for you? "

" Nobody said that you're dangerous, Dr. Cox- "

" No, they just implied it. " Perry was honestly close to a complete and utter breakdown. He wanted to scream, punch, kick, just go crazy and throw something. Preferrably something that would shatter into millions of pieces. " Listen, if you're really that worried about staying with me, i'll turn the car around and take you somewhere else. If i'm really such a bad fucking guy that you and all of your friends think i'm going to hurt you, you can go somewhere else!! " he was screaming. He avoided the startled stare from the man next to him and sighed. " What's it gonna be, Hannah? "

J.D sat, silently and pondered the question. Did he really have it in him to whether all of Perry's rages, his violence? No.

" Turn around Perry. Drive me to my tent. " J.D's seriously eyes were piercing the older man.

" You're not living in a tent. Stay with Turk and Carla. " Perry shook his head. There was no way he was actually doing this.

" Fine, drop me off at Turk and Carla's. I'll walk to my porch. " J.D stuck his nose up defiantly and crossed his arms.

" You really want to live in a tent in the middle of Winter? Fine, I don't fucking care anymore, you selfish bastard! Do what you're gonna do! " Perry sped up and tried to bite back the uncontrollable rage he felt toward the other at the moment.

" Anything is better than staying with a controlling, pompous jack-ass! " J.D sneered at Perry and fought back the tears lurking in his stormy blues. Part of him knew all along that this was going to happen. Perry Cox doesn't have it in him to care for another human being, let alone one who actually needs him.

" You're right, J.D! I'm just the selfish jack-ass who has dedicated the past 9 days to taking care of you. Yep, i'm just sooooooooooooo selfish! " he jeered sarcastically and channeled all of his willpower, just to not kill J.D.

J.D didn't say a word. Didn't fuel the fire. Just turned to the right and stared out of the passenger side window. They passed right by the alley where the attack took place. J.D swallowed fearfully and shook off the memories.

Cox realized what was happening and tried to fight back the guilt that was rising in his chest. J.D whimpered next to him, when he notice just how close his tent was to the place where he was attacked. When they arrived, Perry got out to grab J.D's bags, but was stopped by a firm hand on his shirt.

" Save it, i'll get them. " J.D muttered as he mustered up the energy to grab his bags. Perry watched carefully as J.D lifted his bags out of the trunk, his face contorting in pain. J.D walked past the driver's side door as Perry attempted to get out. J.D jammed the palm of his hand into the door, shutting it, and continued walking. Perry unrolled his window and called out, " J.D, I..." The young doctor glanced back at the car angrily and stuck his middle finger up at Perry before climbing painfully into his tent.

Perry drove away, wishing once again that he could just forget about his protege alone in the cold.

--

Perry drove to the bar immediatly after dropping J.D off. It was only about 2 blocks away from the tent, anyway.

" Hello there. " the bartender girl greeted flirtatiously, winking at the Irish man.

" Hey. 3 scotches, pu-lease. " he plopped down on the barstool and buried his head in his hands. The bartender quickly complied with the his request and set a bottle of scotch in front of him.

" Better? " she asked seductively, biting her lip and giggling.

" Yeah..." he picked up the large bottle and tipped it back, pouring the burning, acidic liquid into his dry throat. He savored the peaceful pain, grateful that he had an escape from his thoughts.

_It's all my fault. Newbie didn't do anything wrong. It's all my fault. _

" Listen, Doctor, " the bartender looked Perry up and down and he recipricated the motion. " I get off in an hour. Whadda say we get out of here, go have some fun? "

Perry glanced at the swishing liquid in his bottle, then back up at the beautiful woman. He had some choices to make tonight.

Well, I hope you like that chappie, and I assure you that i'll be writing the next one as you read this one! REMEMBER, PLEASE COMMENT!! Reviews make my stomach fuzzy and warm... )


	6. Don't Bother

Story takes place in Wisconsin. BTW.

" Ugh, my head..." Perry looked around the unfamiliar room. He was obviously in a hotel and could hear the shower running in the bathroom. " What the...shit!!"

The previous nights events rushed into his head in a cloudy, unorganized array of craziness.

_" You coming or not? " the girl who had previously been standing at the bar was now in front of Perry, anxiously pulling him to the door. _

_" Sure, why not. " A completely drunken Perry complied and stepped out with the woman. He didn't know her name, but she was too pretty for him to pass up. They found a taxi and drove to a nearby motel. The rest, well, is history._

" What the Hell did I do?! " he grabbed his pager off of the night table and saw 12 missed pages. He ignored them when he heard his phone ring.

" What?! "

" Per, it's Jordan. Where have you been? " his ex-wife's voice rung in his ears and Perry felt the guilt welling up in his stomach.

" Out, Jordan. "

" Hey, you're up. Last night was really fun. " Perry cringed at the voice of the woman standing behind him.

" Oh, you are so busted, Perry. " Jordan growled on the other end.

" Jordan, I- "

" You can get your things out of the apartment. " Jordan cut him off angrily and hung up.

" Was that your wife of something? " the bar girl, who's name Perry still didn't know, asked nonchalantly.

" Kinda. " He pulled on his clothes hurriedly and left, ignoring the girl and the evidence of what he did last night.

--

" Jordan?! Jordan, let me in for just a second. "

The door flung open and Perry's vision was temporarily lost by the mound of clothing that was whipped at his head. He heard his son cry out in the backround.

" Jack? " Perry called out, flailing his arms to remove the articles of clothing that were stuck on him.

" Don't bother. He doens't want to see you, and neither do I. " Jordan slammed the door in his face.

" Jordan! Come on! " Perry whined, reminding himself of a child. " Jordan...I made a mistake..."

" Your last mistake, Perry. Go away. " With that, he grabbed the pile of laundry off of the ground and carried it out of the building, threw it in the backseat of his car and drove away, unwilling to stand all day and argue with his ex.

The drive to the hospital was normally short, but thanks to the blizzard that had hit the previous night, the roads were nearly impassable. As he slowly made his way to work, Perry couldn't help but thank his lucky stars that he had enough money to find a temporary place to live, having been kicked out of his own home by Jordan.

Then, it occured to him. J.D had been stuck out in the storm, all night.

Without thinking, he did a u-turn in the middle of the road and headed back the way he came. It was dangerous and reckless on the slippery road, but he couldn't have cared less at the moment.

_How could I have been so damn stupid! Newbie is a suicide risk, and I left him in a tent!? God, i'm a moron...shit,shit,shit..._

It only took him a moment before he reached J.D's tent. It was piled high with fresh snow and appeared to be caving in on itself. Perry quickly jumped out of his car and sprinted over to the tent. He pushed the snow off of the top with on quick motion and slid inside, dreading what may have happened.

J.D lay in a noticably thin, sleeping bag. His body was unmoving and his skin was a slight tint of blue. Perry kneeled down next to the man and checked for a pulse.

Underneath the hard, frostbitten neck, a faint pulse was detectable. In one simple motion, Perry bent down, scooped J.D into his arms and trekked to his car.

The entire time, he'd been able to maintain an emotionless facade. Emotions only got in the way of his misson. He needed to save J.D.

--

He kicked the door to Sacred Heart open and ran inside, pushing past all of the people that stood in his way.

" Barbie, I need help over here! " he yelled to Elliot, who was standing nearby, awe-struck at the sight.

" Oh my God, J.D! " she suddenly snapped out of her fog and ran over to him. " What happened? "

" He's got frostbite and some pretty clear signs of hypothermia. We need to get him hooked up to oxygen and an IV, and he needs some blankets. Can you handle all of that? " He looked at her expectantly and she nodded. " Good girl. "

Dr. Cox sat next to J.D for the longest time, eyeing the machines that where hooked up to the young doctor, daring them to change even the slightest.

Suddenly, he felt a presence at the door. He whipped his head around and was met face to face with Carla.

" How dare you... " she glared at him and shook her head.

" How dare I what? " he already knew what he'd done, and he was sure everybody had figured it out by now. He really just needed to hear it, to confirm it, because his mind was trying to tell him that there really is **no** human being on earth cruel enough to leave a suicidal, rape-victim alone in a tent in the middle of a huge blizzard. His mind was trying to tell him that it was all a dream, that he'd wake up at home, J.D would be on his couch, and Jordan complaining in his ear about ' how she knew DJ or JD or what's-his-face was Perry's little 'protege', but that was not even close to an excuse good enough that she'd let him stay'. Then, he would bribe her with something probably expensive and flashy, and she'd smile and tell him that J.D could stay for a week or so. That's how it would go, in his mind at least.

But Perry knew better then that. He knew that J.D lay in front of him, cold and nearly lifeless, and his ex wife was probably collecting all of his jerseys for the fireplace by now, or maybe even loading up the car and heading someplace far away.

He knew that, and it hurt. Carla knew it too. Well, the part about J.D at least.

" You let him stay in that tent, didn't you? You yell at me for being overly protectively, then you dump him off in that damned tent! God, Perry, how can one man be filled with so much hatred! How could you even do that to somebody like J.D, especially while he is in this condition? Please, I really want to know how you can be such a heartless, uncaring bastard! " she spat the words at him, as she leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed angrily.

" I don't know, Carla... I really don't. " Perry focused his gaze on J.D. His skin was an unhealthy tint of blue and his breathing was shallow and labored. He looked like he'd been washed up on a beach shore or something.

" Oh, you know. And you're so damn ashamed that you won't tell me. Well that's fine, Perry, because i'm not the one that you have to answer to in the long run. The one you have to answer to is laying in front of you, almost dead because of your incompetence. And when he wakes up, you'd better have a damn good explanation, because he's gonna be asking why his mentor, no, his FRIEND abandoned him like you did! And you'd better tell him, because if you don't, he's going to think it was his fault and last thing we need is for him to attempt suicide again." She swallowed painfully and continued, " Knowing J.D, he'd make sure it was successful the third time around. " At that, Carla walked out of the room, leaving Perry completely speechless.

" I didn't know Carla had it in her. " J.D whispered from the bed, his eyes still practically closed.

" Neither did I. " Dr. COx whispered, staring right in J.D's eyes, only to have the boy avoided his gaze. " Listen, I- "

"Ug, just save it, Dr. Cox. If you want to know the truth, my head is pounding, my stomach is killing me, my ribs are sore and my entire body aches. So, how about you just beat it and get on with your life? Just forget about all of this? Because it's painfully obviously to me that I am a huge burden and this has just been a giant inconvience in your life. " J.D's voice cracked and he laid his head down firmly on the pillow.

" That's not true."

" We both know that it's true. Really, just do what's best for both of us and go..." J.D clenched his fist.

" I was just afraid. I was afraid that you'd try to kill yourself again, and i'd miss it because I drank too much scotch. Or that you'd need to talk, and i'd snap at you because I was watching the game. Honestly Newbie, I was afraid that if you came to stay with me, i'd end up hurting you even more. And I know that what I did was probably worse then hurting your feelings a little, but it was my mistake. I'm...sss..."

" Sorry?"

" Yeah, that..."

" That's fine, Dr. Cox. You are sorry and everything is perfectly back to normal. " J.D sneered sarcastically and shook his head. " You are about as sorry as a serial killer, Perry. You just do it again and again until whatever sick part of you is satisfied. You've spent years torturing me, why should I expect that to change? You know, maybe I need to just get over what happened to me, because you're obviously over it. Sure as Hell didn't change you to see me almost die. Didn't change you a bit. That's just fine, though, i'll just go on pretending nothing ever happened. I know that's what you want me to do. "

" I never said that. "

" It was implied. Just go. Please? Just go and don't come back. " J.D sighed sadly and turned slowly on his side.

" Can't I explain? "

" No, I don't want to hear it. I want to sleep. "

" When you wake up then? "

" Don't bother. "

Yes, I know that was a frusteratingly short chapter.

The next one will be longer. I promise.

I've been focusing most of my energies on my collection of songfics, Good Morning No One, so I haven't had as much time to work on my other stories.

Anyways, hope you keep reading and such. Adios.

Hazel


	7. Going Back

"Bambi's getting discharged today."

Perry mearly nodded and continued writing on the chart in his hands.

" Do you even care? "

Perry shook his head.

" You really are an asshole. " Turk walked up to the Nurse's Station and pecked Carla on the cheek before slipping an arm around her. " JD's so pissed at you that he won't speak to anybody. God only knows where he plans on going after he leaves here. "

Perry ignored him.

" Dr. Cox, are you really going to let him leave here thinking that you hate him? " Elliot strolled up to the group and raised a brow at her superior.

Perry smashed his chart against the counter and looked at the three of them. " What is this, some kind of team intervention!? If you all want to take care of whiny, needy Newbie, go right ahead! Don't tell me to do it! I tried and I don't have the mental capacity to keep doing this. All he's is going to do is continue to push everybody away! " His rant was filled with over-articulation, his arms flailing every which way.

At that moment, JD walked out of his room. He stood still for a second and stared at the group, the hurt in his eyes as evident as the yellow bruises that littered his skin. It was obvious that he heard every word that was said.

Then he nodded slightly in acknowledgment and swung his backpack over his shoulder, walking out of the hospital.

Elliot, Turk and Carla all called out to JD, but he didn't respond to their beckoning. When they finally gave up, all three of them stormed off, Elliot shoving Perry into the counter on her way out.

--

JD walked out of the hospital and into the chilly air. He didn't know where he was going, or why he even bothered. Nobody liked him, nobody wanted to deal with him, and nobody cared about how empty he felt.

So he walked. Away from the hospital and away from everybody he knew. He didn't realize where he'd headed until he was in the alley.

The very same alley where he was raped.

He'd been there once before, with Perry. Then, he'd passed it in the car on the way to his tent.

He'd never been there alone, though. It was scary.

JD closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, sliding to the ground. Dizzyness overtook him and for a moment, he felt like he would pass out. The cold wall soothed him and he lay there for awhile, ignoring all those who passed by.

" Sir, are you okay? "

JD looked up at the older woman who was staring at him. She looked startled and worried.

" Sir? "

JD didn't know what to say.

" No, i'm not okay. " His voice cracked and he felt the tears, cool by the wind on his cheeks.

" Do you need me to call someone? "

JD shook his head. " I just need to sit for awhile. "

She nodded her head and surprised JD by sitting down next to him. She was very pretty. Tall, dark-skinned slender.

" Mind if I join you? " her voice was very genuine and soft.

" I don't mind. " He wiped his tears away, embarrassed by showing such emotion in public. " I'm JD. It's nice to meet you. " He tried to sound sincere, but his voice lacked any happiness.

" I'm Wendy. " She stuck out her hand and JD shook it. She was noticeably strong and JD noted the pearly pink nail polish on her finger and toenails.

" I like your polish. " He blushed and pulled his knees to his chest. " That didn't sound gay at all. "

" I'll let it pass. " She smiled and stared at him. " I think i've seen you before, JD. You live around here? "

" Yeah, I live on a porch about a mile from here. "

Wendy giggled and raised an eyebrow at him. " No, really. "

" On a porch. No joke. "

" Oh. " Wendy squinted her eyes. " Why? "

" It's a really long story. " JD tried to avoid her gaze, but she was staring intently at him.

" I don't have to be anywhere for 6 hours. Is that long enough? "

The look on JD's face was utterly baffled, but he nodded and said, " If you really want to know. "

The two of them sat for over two hours. JD gave her almost every detail of what he'd been through ( he referred to the rape as a 'traumatic incident ' ) and ended off with leaving the hospital angry because Perry didn't care about him at all.

She listened and was patient when he stopped talking to cry. When he finished, she dabbed at her eyes with a hankerchief that she pulled out of her purse, then handed one over to JD, who took it gratefully.

" I'm so sorry. No wonder why you aren't okay. "

JD smiled and managed a laugh. " Yeah. Sorry I dumped all of that on you. "

He wasn't really sorry. He was glad to have it all off of his chest.

" Don't worry about it. I'm a psychiatrist. I listen to people all day. " She flashed him a smile and pulled something out of her purse. " I'll give you that now, in case you want to talk again."

" I feel like I should pay you. "

" No, don't worry about it. " She shifted awkwardly andtook a deep breath. " I've already been paid, sweetheart. " Wendy blushed and pulled a wad of cash out of her purse. " A friend of yours called me. He said that you needed to talk to somebody, but you wouldn't speak to any of your friends. He asked me to find you and get you to talk to me without telling you that i'm a 'shrink', " she used air-quotes and rolled her eyes. " He was quite rude, but I agreed because it sounded like you really needed some help. " She ignored the look of complete shock on his face and sat back. " I followed you from the hospital, in case you were wondering. "

JD didn't speak. He felt like he'd been played, manipulated and betrayed.

" Let me guess. Dr. Cox called you? "

" How did you know? "

JD shrugged. " Lucky guess. "

" Listen, I didn't do this for the money, JD. I did it because your friend sounded desperate and he said that he was afraid of what you'd do if you didn't talk to somebody. I tried to refuse the money since this is more of a personal favor, but he told me that I'd take the money or he'd shove it down my throat. So I took it. "

" Why did you owe Dr. Cox a favor? "

Wendy dug round in her purse and pulled out a picture. It was of a teenaged boy, who looked a lot like Wendy. " This is my son, Freddy. He was in a car accident earlier this year, and Dr. Cox saved his life. I told Perry to call me if he ever needed anything. And he did. " She held the picture of her son close to her heart and wiped a tear from her eye. " He's really worried about you. I know that you said he pretends not to care, but he does. "

JD's shaky legs barely lifted him from the spot where he'd been sitting for two hours. He rose and leaned against the wall, taking the cold air in deep breaths and trying to stretch his achy legs.

" I know that you've been through a lot, JD. I'm so sorry. " She too pulled herself off of the ground and stood next to JD, who was staring out into the sky. " You have my card, so call me if you ever want to talk again. Right now, I think that you should go visit him. It's time to let the healing process begin. " Wendy put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. " It was really nice to meet you. "

" You too. And thank you, Wendy. "

With that, Wendy walked back you her car and JD headed toward Sacred Heart.

It was time to mend some broken fences.

**A/N Dearest apologies, lovely readers. I know that it has been way over a month since my last update. But i've had severe writers block with this story, so I've been avoiding it at all cost. I know that this chapter was kinda blah, but i'm starting to wrap up the story, and this chapter was necessary to finish off the way that I desire. Thanks for the patience and I hope that you all haven't stopped reading because it took so long for me to update! (**

**HAZEL**


	8. Mending Fences

**Alright, this is one of the final chapters. I'm contemplating a sequel, but I'm not sure if anybody is even reading this, so I don't know if I want to sequel it. I'm sorry that it seems really rushed and whatnot, but I'm doing the best I can. ) I hope I don't disappoint. **

" I know what you did for me. " JD called to Perry, who was sitting in the staff lounge with a hot cup of coffee.

" Yeah? "

" Yeah. Why? "

Dr. Cox looked up at the younger man standing before him and sighed. " Newbie, you've been to Hell and back. I caused a lot of that Hell. "

JD nodded and thought back to everything that had happened. Despite all of the mistakes that his mentor made, JD realized that, without Dr. Cox, he'd be dead.

" You saved my life, Dr. Cox. More than once. "

Dr. Cox nodded and took a long sip from his drink. " You've done more than your share of saving my ass, Newbie. "

Both of them were quiet for awhile. JD plopped down next to Perry on the couch and made sure to be careful of his wounds.

" Do you think everything is going to get better? " JD asked, slight hope shone through his eyes.

" I hope so. "

JD furrowed his brows and sat back. " I wish you could just say yes or no. "

" You know that I can't. "

He nodded. He knew that nobody could magically fix or change what happened, he knew that each day would have it's ups and downs, and if he was strong enough, he would come through just fine in the end.

" I think you should go to that trauma center, Newbie. I think it would help. "

JD stared at Dr. Cox for a moment. Slowly, he nodded and stood from his place on the couch.

" And I think you should go talk to your friends. They're worried. "

JD stared at his shoes for a moment before looking up at his mentor.

" Thank you, Perry. "

Dr. Cox smiled and tossed his empty coffee cup in a nearby garbage.

" It's my job, JD. Isn't that what the mentor postion entails? "

JD face brightened up at the word and he couldn't hold back the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Dr. Cox shook his head and laughed. " You look ridiculous. "

" I know. "

JD turned to leave the room, looking back only to say, " Just think, it only took six years and my near death for you to admit that you are my mentor. "

Dr. Cox rolled his eyes. " Could have taken a Hell of a lot longer. "

" I know. "

**One chapter left, friends! Bear with me!! )**


	9. Appletinis?

**Final chapter!! We finally made it! Yay!! I hope everybody enjoys and...reviews. LOL**

**One Year Later**

" Dr. Dorian? "

JD turned around and lifted an eyebrow expectantly at the young man.

" Yeah? "

" Dr-Dr. Cox wanted me to tell you to pick up a 6-pack before the game. " The intern studdered nervously before bolting off.

JD grinned. He was going to watch the game with Turk and Perry after his shift. With Jordan out of the picture, Dr. Cox was much more willing to have guests.

JD about cried when he was invited. Then, his mentor called him a girl's name and patted him on the shoulder.

If he was being honest, it was probably the most exciting thing to ever happen to him. JD and his mentor had grown closer since his attack, but JD never expected that the older man would invite him over.

" Newbie? "

He turned around and met his mentor face to face.

" Come with me. "

Without question, he nodded and followed the man into a patient's room.

" This is Emily. " Dr. Cox whispered.

JD glanced over at the girl in the bed. She didn't look a day over 16. Her eyes were closed, but her body was tense in the bed.

" She was raped, Newbie. I thought that- "

" Sure. " JD said as he grabbed her chart out of his hand and walked over to the side of the bed. " I know you aren't sleeping, Emily. "

One of the girl's eyes opened. " How did you know that? " She whispered.

JD waved Dr. Cox toward the door and sat down on the edge of the bed. The older doctor slid out of the room.

" I used to do the same thing. "

The girl raised an eyebrow at her doctor.

" I know what you are going through, and I'm going to help you through it. " He gently put a hand on her shoulder. " I promise. "

She managed a nod before collapsing into tears.

--

Perry watched silently from the hallway as his protege comforted his patient.

JD had passed the test. He'd jumped into the situation and put his bad memories aside to help his patient.

Perry waited at the door for him to come out.

After several minutes, his protege waltzed out of the room and handed the chart back to Perry.

" Taken care of. " He stated confidently before heading toward his next patient's room.

Dr. Cox stuck his hand out in front of JD.

" Dr. Cox, I have patients. I need to go! " JD tried to manuver around the arm, but Dr. Cox was much too strong to get past.

" Thanks for helping out with her, JD. "

JD grinned and shrugged. " She's going to be okay, as long as she has somebody to help her through it. Maybe a friend or...mentor. "

" You'll never let it go, will you? "

" You said that you're my mentor! You can't take it back! " JD's sounded on the verge of panicking.

" Calm down, Cinderella. I never said that I was taking it back. "

" Oh. " JD"s cheek flushed pink. " Well...Uh...Can I please tend to my patients now? " He couldn't have looked more embarassed.

" Yeah. Go ahead. " Dr. Cox snickered at the humiliated, younger man. When JD was about 15 feet away, Dr. Cox called after him, " Don't forget the beer, Newbie. Or your girly drink mix, if you want it. "

JD spun around.

" If you want an appletini, Perry, you just have to ask. "

Dr. Cox made his signature, what-the-Hell-are-you-thinking look at his protege before shooing JD off.

He wasn't about to tell JD that he'd like nothing more than to sit in his new apartment and sip an appletini with his protege.

He was a manly man.

**Alright, it's over!! YAY!! One less fanfic to stress over!! LOL I hope you all liked the ending. If you have any, I'd love to hear final thoughts!! )**

**If not, thanks for reading! You guys rock!!**

**HAZEL**


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